I reached my limit yesterday. I keep saying myself that i'm okay. But actually i'm not. But i'm getting better on hiding it somehow. I manage to hold on to it for 3 months. The last time i broke down that bad was during my last few days being in Selangor. Physically i'm just stress about being fat. *yup, it's funny. But mentally I've tried to challenge myself to be positive all the time. Like literally every second of my life. Imagine that i can cry without screaming to anyone for few hours. So yeah, bursting out and broken so bad last few days actually cleanse me.
And now, i'm back to square one.
Have the courage to change
Truly, I believe the only way out of depression is to listen to what the darkness is trying to tell you and change your life accordingly. I've been shocked sometimes by what I've learned and heard in those darkest moments, but as long as you trust your heart and soul and what they're trying to tell you, you will find the brightness again. The light is right there waiting for you to turn the corner and see it. It will get better, and then you will be so grateful and happy that you had the courage to get through the darkness awake and alive. Always remember that after the darkest storm is when the rainbows come out.
I'm currently working right now. But truth to be told. My current job is kinda boring. The only peoples that i communicate everyday are my 2 bosses that is Chinese. And the foreign workers. Owh ya and the company that we shared the office space with. Which is 3/4 persons. That are also Chinese. I'm more kinda person that love to be challenged and pressured. Because it makes you wanna do something that you would never thought that you have the ability to do. Make you talk to strangers and somehow it helps you to grow up. Enlarged your circle of life.And the good news is, after all the toughest weeks i've been through. I just received a phone call that tell me i have a job interview this week. And the job opportunity are the want that i really crave for since i finished my study. Being an Auditor. I want this so bad. My dream was crushed so bad after i was rejected by the few company that i really want to work in. Academically i'm not good enough for them. But working right now in this small company was a stepping stone for me.
Tapi rezeki tu selalu ada kalau kita tak pernah berhenti meminta. Tak pernah berhenti berharap. Tak pernah berhenti berdoa. You may not get something that you really want in your life. For example, being rich, have a partner in life, make someone proud, go for a random vacation or anything. But it was replaced by others. It's what i need. Not my desire.
My interview is tomorrow. Wish me luck :)