I don't know how i really feel

I don't know either i feel happy, sad or nothing. malam ni serabut sikit. Sebab aku tgk keadaan diri aku pun macam tak betul. Too much to digest. Mcm tak larat nak hadam semua ni. Dengan exam, kerja grafik, personal life lagi. I try to look strong. To actually be strong. Lemah lutut aku. Nak berdiri , nak belajar berdikari. I feel like myself and my body is crushing to pieces. My brain is squeezing itself. Don't let me start with my eyes. Dah mcm panda kot T.T

Aku nak rasa bahagia, tapi aku rasa mcm aku paksa. Aku tak nak rasa sedih, tapi mana je aku nak lari dari perasaan miserable ni. 

Maybe because i envy seeing people being happy? i'm too long being hurt that i miss being happy? 

atau perasaan cemburu dah selubung satu badan aku?

p/s:  love need sacrifice, that's what i learn from my past relationship. if you love someone, let that person go so that they can be happy. even it hurts, you must know that you already gave a piece of your heart to close another scars in someone else heart. 

Allah ada rancangan lebih baik untuk kau fatin. sabar ekh. 

p/s: who said i'm not happy. See my face, i have two big balloon on my cheek. :O)