Saturday, February 11, 2012

It hit me

Browsing through some of my favorite blog. Doing the scheming and reading. So far to whoever saw my twitter, yes, i'm so not in a good mood. Not being excited to be back in UKM today neither staying at home. Just not in the state of good mood. I have this bubble of emotion that is waiting to get burst. BOOM -.-" Those mix emotion you know, zee happy, sad, excited, scared, worried, mad. Mix them all in a pot, stuff it inside zee ballon and WOLLAH. Just don't even dare come close to me and point at me a pin. You won't like to see me get mad or even cry. Because i look ugly. 

I'm one of this problem teenagers who have problem with their parents. i did write about this before. Having this 'parents-don't-understand-teenagers-hormone' problem yesterday. And all the other days when i'm at home actually. Yesterday was the climax. Like me going back to KL and face the reality that my mum had in her mind. Those imaginary about teenagers who study in Kl being wild and go hang out with guys all day long, bla bla bla. and the worst part is, me celebrating valentine? like please, the last valentine that i celebrate was few years ago. when i was so 'muda-zaman-sekolah-bodoh2-lagi' . I've reach zee age 21. I know Valentine is haram mother. -.-" But still, after what i had done, i don't think mom have the mind set that i;m old enough to get loose. To be free. Not my mum actually. But hey, she's still my mum, and alhamdullilah i still have a mum :') But i;m a teenagers, i have this teenager hormone that sometime those bubble of emotion really want to explode. Me being 21 y/o really teach me how to be more mature, to be much stronger i guess :') 

I read her post, latest post, and it hit me. *courtesy of  this blog. 

btw, this girl is going to continue her study in Australia. 

You will learn to appreciate and love your parents more than anything. You will realise that as you are growing up, they are growing old, and it is just a matter of time before you replace them. My parents have done so, so, so much for me. Too much that no matter how annoying and stubborn my dad gets, and no matter how much my mum nags or how hurtful whatever my parents have said, they could never thwart the respect and love I have for them. Because they have done too much. Things can be simply put as, without them I would not be where I am today. That basically sums up everything.

Some support won't hurt right mom? But i guess i'm the one who need to be mature. She's just being her. She's my mum. All the thing she said eventually right. Even thou it's wrong. Syurga bawah tapak kaki ibu an . Dengan berkata 'ah' pown berdosa. 

Me being so rebellious. Rebellious teenagers. 

Life move on. Eventually i will always want to prove her wrong. Make her proud. Change those tears to 'proud tears' I want her to cry not because of my wrong doing, but my success in life. handing over my degree scroll to her. Just anything that i can pay her and dad back for their hard work on raising me. Money won't be enough to cover all those sacrifice. In 3 years mom , dad.
 It's okay thou if you can't see what i done sacrificing myself to hold on to anything that i am doing just to make you guys proud. It's okay if you don't see my cry myself figuring things how i'm going to survive my teenage life and all. Sooner or later, things will turn out to be fine. Because i know i'm not alone. Allah will always there for me. The whole journey. 

I know i'm not a good muslimah, but seeing people change to be solehah and soleh. Seeing my friends wearing hijab and all. Allah never left their umat all alone in the world and let them suffer. Allah is helping us. Not in a drastic way. It's our self who make the changes, Allah is guiding us through it. We might fall back, we might keep doing the same mistake, but deep inside ourself, we know we did change, even just an inch. But it's still a chnages. And we should be proud of it. Because i do. 

p/s : heading back to KL today. There goes my 3 weeks holiday. Goodbye JB. till we meet again in like 5 month or less -.-"
and i'm still worried about my exam result. 

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