Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I've worked hard enough

ntah la, i just felt heartless. now i can feel that i'm going to be zombies for the rest of my life. my confident level just drop so hard that i just can't cry anymore. yee, aku buat silap sem satu, don't punish me now. i need this. i always want this, but why now? take my other happiness if you want to, but don't take my opportunity to actually do something that can make me happy, for my own future, for the sake of my parents. please. i just don't want this to happen. i always picture myself, spending my life here in UKM doing the exactly course that i always dream off. and now i felt that all those dreams, those image of me going to my favorite class just shattered. i lost hope. i know, things can change, if i do something about it, it will change, but it just shattered.. i know there's hope. but i just don't feel it. i watched my friend sharing joys about it, i once have the dream to be apart of it, but it turns out differently than i ever imagine. you know, those sorrow feelings, when you loss something that you love so much, not getting something that you had been dream off years ago. since like childhood :'(  rasa nak mati pown ada. 

there's always hope. always. result tak kuar lagi. aku tak ley give up. aku belajar macam nak mati, aku x ley terima keadaan aku macam ni. i want this. so badly. nothing can be stop me from having this. just death. 

dear June, you start your month hard on me. you know what, bring it on, just bring it hard. 

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