i will never

i hold myself tight. i said, 'i will never ever involve with you again'

i was so stubborn with myself, i just can't give up. but i use to see in a wider view, all those girl out there that have the same feeling and scars just like mine, are struggling hard to. and they might keep it to themselves or maybe just get involve with people around them. so do i. i always thought that every time i want to let you go, it just haunts me back. i said to myself that it's okay not to be okay, and i'm always fine with that. it's just, it haunts me so bad. and i know that we don't actually involve with each others life, why that i felt insecure inside me when i saw something approach you . that's what i see, stuff that i don't actually see? in you reality life? how's it hanging? are you happy for me for being like this, do you felt guilty? owhh, i guess i was the one who's hunting myself with those type of question. Yes, i may sound very emotional, and you know what, i never tend to make it worst. every time i think of you, it's just rip me apart, swearing to myself, that i just don;t want involve with you anymore, then for a while, i think, can i do this, i just don't really want to loose you. i told you that.

 but hey, you've text, but is it for real or you just pretending to care.

and i tell you what, i will try hard not to care because you have a lot things in mind to play with.

you will always be my only exception. and because of you, i sometimes don't really want to get involve with anything. even you