Whatever

I thought maybe this year going to be different. I wanna left all those crappy old stuff behind. Start fresh. Because i decide my final year would be much awesome with the less drama and craps. And i figured out running away was not a good idea. But what if i was ready to face it again, what if i was ready to be push around again and again. Am i going to feel something? Am i going to just let it do to me and me saying that 'what the hell, hit me' 

And i wish i can said no to myself. And why is it? Because i decide being nicer to people who have been mean to me is not going to bring me any good. Giving people the opportunity is the biggest risk i'll ever face again. Pushing people away doesn't mean that i'm bad or sombong or some sort of bitch or worst, balasan sebab aku pernah buat orang dulu. Hold that thought, and look at me real deep. Am i that bad? Am i that ugly? Am i that stupid? Am i not going to be good enough? Am i not going to make anyone proud? Am i making people running away? 

Yup, i keep telling this questions to peoples. And even to myself again and again. Ntah. Penat. People don't really know what you've been through. But they decide to just judge. Who doesn't. 

Kadang-kadang nak tanam hati ni kat kerak bumi. Biar hilang hati dan perasaan. Biar otak berfikir apa yang bernas utk diri. Mana lagi penting. Who is my priority. What is actually important to me. Don't care what people said. Just be happy even the smallest things that's happening. Bila dah sakit campak dia jauh-jauh.

Tapi aku manusia. nak rasa semua. Nak lari. Pergi mana? 

*tarik nafas*