Tuesday, November 1, 2011

When my heart start to talk

Every time i wake up, i snuggle into my blanket and have this deep thought about what am i going to do on that day. I end up cleaning myself up, go to class, eventually fall asleep in the evening and do something that involve notes and all until the next morning. The same thing again and again. The same routine. When i text my friend about it, i told them that i'm so fucked up with life. Not because i don't know what to do, I'm just freaking tired doing the same thing over and over again. I hate letting myself having this moment of silent that makes my mind start to make scenarios. Then sometimes, i think just to kill myself for being to bored. Often. I need changes. Good changes. And i don't want the same person to be involving on breaking my hearts.

Changes will be nice don't you think. I guess i just need attention. Well see, dear mr past, if you don't want me to disturb you, just tell me please. Because waiting for you it's just hurting. Yes, you explain to me last few days about why you can't except me and all. But you say you want us to have something, but you didn't finish your confession. You let me hang for a moment. You admit it yourself that you hurt me enough. I was never mad at you, okay it's a lie, but see, i don't want to have the grudge on you. Because to make it clear, I"M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU. Can't we take chances? Can't we take the risk? I want you. I stop letting my heart go because i want you to step forward and bravely said that you want me too. please :'( Don't you see it? Don't hold your heart, because i never did when it comes to you. 

every time my phone rings, i wish it will be you

can't you see, all i ever wanted is to be happy. and i want the person to be you. 

I'm tired on saying I'm giving up on you. Because i never will. try living me for a month. Then you come back. I will totally fall again for you. I don't know, your name are just had been permanently there in my heart. You hurt me a lot. The scars is still bleeding and it's still there. People hate me because i never get tired of you. Never get tired being hurt by you. I can't hate you, i just can't. I tried million times, i just can't say no when i comes to you. 

All i need right now is the right person. I know there are people who really cares about me right now. Who willing to do anything for me. But sorry people, your not the right person right now, and i don't really have the guts to say it to you. It's just not the right time, and your not the person i really want to be involve right now. I have hearts. I don't believe in trying. I believe in sacrifice, i believe chances, I believe getting hurt is something good, they teach people to be strong. It teach me to be unbeatable. 

kau tau, sebab kau aku tak pernah kesah aku tak ada kawan, i know you will be there for me, wish me good morning everyday, call me at night. Every time i have exam, you give me good luck kiss. I want that feeling. Those secure feelings. The promises feelings. I hate being me right now. Because i never assure that i will be happy for myself. being fine is nothing. Being with you is something.

hati aku tawar. kosong. heartless. 
ya, aku yang buat diri aku mcm ni. 

sekurang-kurangnya aku terus cuba lupakan kau. I'll try. I told you i'll try.

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