tonight, is the first time he kind of feeling not insecure with himself. before this, he never treat me this way. but as his friend, i really need to understand him. tapi kenape rasa macam sedih. i mean, i felt very deep depression in me. like i want to hit myself to the wall and say 'what i have done wrong' # too emotional. you know, not girls only have their insecure. guys to. i had once give advise to a friend. about taking things slow with guys. guys are humans to you know. they're just like us. sometimes, when they get to emotional, they cry. and last night, after so long not being treated like not something important to someone. it happen. i was hurt and feeling not stable at all with the way he treated me. then it hits me. 'kenapa aku nak rasa marah, kenapa aku nak rasa sedih' maybe i'm not close to be someone important to him. may be in our each other head. but still. we both make the wrong decision to do this to our self. if i can erase everything about us, i will. but i can't. after what had happen between us. i just can't. to tell the truth:
i love him more than just a friend :')
but hold my words. i'm not going to destroy other girls happiness. i'm not that type of person. i'm just lost. and sometimes i just need someone to hold me. it's just i had choose the wrong person to hold me. i always did that. #see, making the same mistake. may false, forgive me.
maybe i need time. to think what i had done to myself. i'm going to stop this mistake. give me another month. i promise :') i know it's hurting. but still, it's the only reason i'm happy for myself. please let me keep doing this mistake for a while. i just can't stop it. it's just impossible for now.
p/s: i'm sitting on the pavement, looking up searching for the right star. but where did all the star goes?
dia pernah kata : hari ni shift hujan, kan hujan awk. bintang tak kerja hari ni.
i keep all his text in the phone. and sometimes when i'm hurt and feel lonely. all those text is my bedtime story :')
“The saddest thing for a girl to do is to dumb herself down for a guy.”
i'm letting myself to learn how to be something mature in handling this grown up stuff. let me learn. i make mistake. i notice that. just let me learn from this mistake. and now, i'm giving him time to space out.