Esok dah puasa dah. kejap je kan masa berlalu. macam tak sangka lagi sebulan nak raya, then 2 year of my study starts. so fast, very fast don't you think? 0.o hopefully puasa tahun ni penuh lah. and hope hari ni hari last day kene PMS. -.-" jadikan bulan puasa ni satu yang berbeza dari puasa-puasa lain. banyakkan beribadat, kurangkan perbuatan yang tak baik tuh. like what? macam-macamlah. After this i must wake up a bit early #makruh puasa asyik tido je, do the house work and stuff, owh and daddy just fix 2 of the bicycle that stranded almost 2 month in the garage. so, cycling it is for my daily exercise :) or will i not do that? depends. pfft.
when i look myself in the mirror, or sitiing outside with my guitar plucking any tunes that came out from my mind, i have this deep think. what i really want in life, with who i want to spend the rest o my life is, do i really want to be involve with stuff that's going to hurt me.
i do often think that i really can't control what i want in life. one day i said to myself ' i hate this guy and i want to get rid him out of my head' and the next day he was the only person that can makes me happy and i just can't resist him. see, i'm fragile when it comes to feelings. i let people hurt me and i'm just fine with that. when i was young back then #still am, i cried a lot. blaming myself for letting it get through me. but now i feel, it's worthless to fight for it. because at then end, i know i will surrender. i'm not a fighter. i love to call my self a 'mangsa keadaan'. maybe i was born to be this way when it comes to life. but still, i'm getting older, and people around me are just different than i thought. how they react with each other and all. really change my perception about life. i'm confused with what i really want in life right now. or maybe all the time.
do i want to be stuck to my past, make a big decision now, or just wait for it , or really just let thing slow and i might loss everything ?
my room smells like roses, and my bed is full with soft toys. i'm still a girl that want to be surrounded with my childhood memories. being all alone and stay secure with this warm feelings. i love it this way. just don't you ever ruin it. ever.