Tuesday, February 8, 2011

heart to heart

it's been a long time i own this blog,
i guess it had been like 3 years,
yup, i can say, it's quite a long time,
and to be honest,
i guess , having a blog help me go through with life a lot,
help me cope up with my "emotion"
here's a story i want to tell,
i guess people who knew me since i was in school knew this sad story,
it will be a long post i guess.

I know that everyone in this world have their own story in life,
they have their own version of living,
we can't put the blame on others for their mistake,
we can't judge them easily for their mistake too,
and for me, i do believe in forgiving people for every mistake they they have done to us,
no matter how big or small it is,
me , myself, always kept repeating the same mistake over and over again,
being a stubborn daughter, lazy person, and maybe annoying girl to some of you,
but like people like to say, put yourself in my shoes,
put you soul in my body,
learn about me,
have a life in my kind of living,
maybe it seems nothing from the outside,
people, you really don't want to know what the inside is,
like i said earlier,
everyone have their own story,
life, crisis, anything,
it's seems unfair for me,
because i'm not having a life that all the people in this world want to!
i didn't say that my life is suck, NO.
i have a wonderful family, friends, and now, i have a boyfriend,
i have a future, maybe a future accountant of maybe a future bank manager,
i have dreams owning a nice big house, own a nice car for myself, and have a big salary so i can go shopping whenever i want, i can buy anything for myself even for my beloved family,

that is what i want for my future, 
my past? 
dear people who know me since i was in primary school, secondary school, convent-sian, technic-sian, kmns-sian, UKM-sian, anyone who use to have shared a lot of memories with me since i was born,
p/s: can i use the word such as -sian? =.=" * sorry if it's against the English rules or etc

especially for people who have "crisis" with me before,
i mean, knows me for like years! nahhh, clear it all. YEARS :)
p/s: not month okay. because you still don't know me.

you know how hard i am to cope with life,
friends and others,
how hard i want to be independent,
how hard i want to stand strong after what i have been through,
here, i want to thanks for my love once, 
who always been there for me,
in ups and down,
for holding my back when i was tumbling falling hard,
and i wish my love, 
you are proud of what i am becoming today :')

to be truly honest,
things felt just the same,
3 stage of being a student,
high school,
and now, being a under graduated student in UKM,
just the same,
if you know me,
you know what i mean.

here, i want to clearly state that i'm not being pathetic for asking people felt pity for me. NO.
i just want to share, and sharing is not illegal when blogging,
so here, i don't want people misunderstanding about what i had been writing for like 30 minutes,
i'm not insulting people or make fun of people,
i just want to people to be nice to others,
and respect others in real life,
but we have no right to judge people by their mistake, by their past, or by their attitude,
and it's not polite to talk bad about others if you really don't know the truth,
if you're being a backups to others,
just don't, because it might be happening to you too,
i'm advising this to myself to because i know I'm doing the same mistake too. :')
so please forgive me.

i'm a non hatred person,
and it's hard for me to hate people for any mistake they had done to me,
so every night, my grandma thought me, 
"akk, jangan balas balik apa orang buat kat kita, xpe, maafkan mereka, itu silap mereka, x der sape yang x buat silap dalam dunia ni, awk pun selalu buat dosa, ampun kan dosa-dosa mereka terhadap kita, insyaALLAH, ada ganjarannya untuk kita"
i use to be what people call "cengeng" haa, means i cry hard when i have problems,
emotional to be exact, yes it's true, i admit it,
but it's me, watch yourself in the mirror,
you know what you are in and out.

we ourself can think and judge what is people perception towards us,
by the way they talk,
by the way they treat us,
by the way they talk about us to others,
just by looking at them, 
we can know what are they thinking about us,
"about me"

it's okay for me, always fine for me for what had happen in the past and present,
all i think of is what can i do to have a better future,
i'm strong, i know that,
let people do whatever they want, let they say whatever they want to say,
and i want to make people see what i'm capable of in life,
yes, look at me,
insyaALLAH, if i work hard, and keep this strong faith in me,
with all the support that i can get,
i will be what i want to be in future,
a successful girl that capable of doing anything in life,
that makes her happy :)

p/s: my internet line is kinda suck for a while,
so i'll be less updating my blog. :'(
going to fix this a.s.a.p

leaving behind with full of love.


teeha said...

panjang gilerrrrrr but i like it . cuba duk situasi kita then baru boleh komen kan

fatinlullaby said...

kannnn. haha :D
yup :)