it's life

here's to everyone that who always keep on track about me,

thanks :')

really appreciate it.

in this world,

there are two people we need to recognize,

the one who hate us, or the one who like us who we are,

we as normal human being sometimes can't just scan people who they are really inside,

they maybe seems ok in reality,

but in their own mind, just they know who really are themselves.

I've been living in this life like 20 years now,

i already felt the high region and also the deepest darkest place that everyone scared to be,

being in pain, cry, tears,

happy, smile, laugh,

being appreciate, being thrown away,

all i can say it's just a cycle in life,

we ourselves make the decision,

and those decision that we make maybe bring good impact or vise versa in life,

my life.

i meet a lot of people,

i experience a lot of emotion and feelings,

everyone does,

what make us different is how we handle it,

how we make it something in future,

how we felt for it,

it may sound easy,

but the real is, it's hard :')

if you are my friends since i was in school,

once be friend with me,

once be in love with me,

anyone,

you know my part of story,

the hard part that i handle about this friendship relationship,

about this life,

there are some chapter never end up as all we call happy endings,

there are part that i wish i want to kept it forever remain in my heart,

some i wish i never do and i never want it to be remembered.

same goes to whoever know me in matrix,

and now life for me being an adult,

being a 20 years old girl is what i said earlier,

cycle of life,

what goes around comes back around.

suddenly, all the hatred just kills,

and sometimes i may look ok,

just i don't want people to know that i'm not ok.

people make mistake,

i make mistake,

i do lie,

everyone did lie,

it's normal in living,

but what if we really make effort to fix a problem,

it came out worst than we thought,

it effect life,

effect relationship,

effect the trust that been build,

all of that just crush into tiny pieces,

than people start to pretend,

"hey, everything is ok for me"

it's just like nothing happen,

but the truth beneath it just remain there,

under everyone minds,

everyone lips,

everyone hearts.

we can keep pretending,

we can keep faking,

for some, 

it's a good thing,

just to take care about others feelings,

maybe it's just the best for everyone,

if everyone indeed to be that way,

i'm just going to let them be.

maybe the truth is hard to be reveal,

maybe among those hatred, fakes and lie,

theres always truth.

some people said : i used to this

and some people might think : your being arrogant

but no,

this is what life call,

moving on with pain all over you,

some people might think,

WTH ARE THIS GIRL TALKING ABOUT =.="

nahhh, me myself don't have any clue what had happen,

who can be trust,

who can we be really friend with,

who can we really give our love fully,

not even a single clue.

i might hurt a lot of feelings,

from the deepest bottom of my heart,

i seek forgiveness,

i may make the wrong decision in life,

i admit that i'm not a great person in this world,

i kept repeating the same mistake,

i kept doing something that i'm not suppose to do,

i may be the person all of you wish that you never ever meet.

but this is me,

i was born on earth to do whatever it is to be living a great life,

if only i knew bad things would happen,

i will never do it,

but i have no power over future,

all i can do it's try my best,

to make things around me felt ok :')

if it's not perfect,

not even close,

i will try except it with full heart,

except it with broken heart,

what can i do to fix everything that have i done in my past,

when i'm in school,

now?

what can i do?

i always said to myself,

it's ok fatin,

things will be ok,

don't give up,

never give up,

this what's ALLAH had plan for us,

don't break yourself.

people might hurt you,

people might leave you,

people might hate you for something you never did,

and people might hate you for something you did,

but you yourself are the base on everything for what had happen.

just don't give up :')

theres always a light of hope,

theres always a part of you chapter in life will be the mark in those living that you've been having,

see the positive side,

you still have those lovable friend that never give up on you,

you still have your family,

and the best thing,

you need to believe in yourself that you can do this,

you can still walk with those patches on you.

let those lie, fake, hatred moving,

don't look it as a threat,

look it as something that helps you be a stronger person,

helps you to get very good result ,

helps you by giving the spirit of being a great accountant 5 years from now,

helps you by telling yourself that everything will be ok if we make it ok.

once we believe in ourself,

those small things that make you cry every night,

those mistake that you've had make it the past drag you like a nightmares in the day,

eventually just a few chapter of you life that you wish to be something good in future,

make you a stronger women that you really are now.

there's a lot more awaits you in future,

stop,

remember for a while,

just for a while,

what had happen in the past,

those heartbroken,

those lie,

those fakers,

those happiness,

those laugh that you use to share in days,

and suddenly it's all become a worst nightmare in your life,

that you will never expect for it to happen.

and look at you now people,

where are you standing,

do you think that you are a strong person,

yes you are, in your own perception of life :')

me, myself,

seek for forgiveness,

in any mistake that i have done,

to any of you,

you know why,

regarding that things just change,

people just come and go,

smile become tears,

happiness become sadness,

friend become enemy,

lovers become strangers,

and just every single thing that happen,

even it's my false or not,

whoever knows the truth within the lie or the others,

i ask for forgiveness if i ever hurt any of your feelings,

it's not under my control,

and i'm sorry.

and now,

you have the right to judge what had happen,

and for me,

this is a chapter of life,

that i guess is a part of me now,

being a living person in this world,

start to make it into a positive thing for me :)

by then,

if you see me,

please know that i'm always try to fix this life a better place to be,

for others and myself.

this journey of life is still long,

so wherever you go,

go with all your heart :)