Wednesday, December 22, 2010

unpredictable present of mine

3rd day of class,
plus, now i'm having this high fever for 3 days already.
the meaning is, this semester makes me half zombie half human already. 

but alhamdullilah, 
for now, i haven't skip any of my class for this first week :)
the worst it can be is i'm shiver to death when i enter every lecturer class in the big hall. =.="

new class schedule,
but still need to change for few subject,
like statistic , and i need to drop the kritikan seni tampak subject to exchange it with  curriculum.
but for now, i can cope with this :)


this few day was a very hard week for me,
i kept looking at the person thats makes me cry all day long,
but i just can't see the people who wanted me to stop crying over useless things,
they were there for me,
i share laugh,
i share problems,
they stop me from making mistake,
i must see that,
i really must open my eyes and appreciate what i have in present,
stop being depress about my past,
dream for a better place for future.

i guess i was never alone,
i just need to wake up from this misery.
and try to enter the reality,
the beautiful reality that i need to discover myself :,)

you guys are the best part of me.

sitting on my bed,
1.46 a.m,
terribly sick ,
missing you every single second of my life.
the conversation,
the laugh,
the walk,

dear you,
seems that we were falling apart from a distance,
without a real decision and explanation,
we were like stranger,
not talking to each other,
but look into the eyes like there something we want to talk to,
i need a conversation,
and an explanation from you,
and i want you to know,
because i'm afraid i will cry in front of you and done nothing for my self,
i use to cry for you,
and i'm tired,
just waiting for you to realize that things are not the way it's suppose to be,
i know that you have your own way to live now,
we both know that you can't do nothing to fix this problem right,
so i guess i'm going to wait for and answer,
for now, i'm moving on,
searching for reality,
and start dreaming for a better place in my heart for more good things than bad,
I've disappointed a lot of people in life,
and i really, badly want to fix this for myself,
you were something special for me,
and i always want the best for you,
you make your own decision now,
because i'm starting to change mine.

we are not going to move by ourself if we don't start to take our own step,
so i'm taking my first step of walking through this road,
with or without you,
and let see whats going to be there in every single things that going to happen along the journey.
and i want you to know this my love,

whoever your going to be with,
i just wish that person will make you happy more than i did :,)

it's 2.04,
i need to get to bed now,
need to wake up a bit early so i can finish my assignment. 
wow, class had started for 3 days,
now i have assignments and proposal need to be done =.="

night then, toddles :)


teeha said...

be strong la sayangg , baju pink cantik . auwwww ,

fatinlullaby said...

thanks teeha :,)
for now, let be do it slowly,
part by part,
like i use to did to myself in the past relationship,
i must have faith saying that i can go through this :)

thanks to you to sayang,
for being there for me<3

heee, thanks, i'm crazy for pink. you know that. haha

teeha said...

i ta suka pink .

fatinlullaby said...

hehe. u x gugurl mc i :P