i smile

i want to cry, 

but i promise myself to kept strong,

i want to smile,

but for what?

i want to laugh,

but i felt stupid because no one cares when i make jokes,

i want to love,

but the person who i love doesn't seem interest to love me back,

life hard, so hard,

and sometimes i just want to give up,

but faith stop me from doing it.

i'm smiling, can't you see that,

it's for you,

i want you t know that,

when i notice you, 

take a glimpse at me,

i wish it's a " i want to talk to you because i miss you too" kinda glimpse,

and i was like making faces and make myself louder so that you would think,

"hey, she's happy, did she miss me" kinda thinking through moments.

i smile, 

for myself,

for you,

for everyone around me,

i hate sadness,

makes me want to cry and hug myself so i can stop it,

and it's a pain to my heart,

i hate it,

i hate tears,

i felt dumb,

because when i cry, 

i always think that happiness was never meant for me,

i fake a smile,

i fake laugh,

i fake my attitude,

just because i want to look strong, 

and be strong.

and faking helps a lot :)

helps me to make through the day and always have the faith to continue this life,

and never ever ever ever give up.

NEVER. 

because life is to precious to be wasted for stupid things :)

i wish every time i sleep,

i reset my head,

so that every time i wakes up,

new things to be explore and fell :)

toddles :)