tears hanging in my eyes

i just came back from camp. 

what i fell?

HAPPY BUT LONELY.

it was fun, it will always be that way. 

when you have some times to be in the jungle. mingle around with new friends and strangers.

make some laugh together. communicate with people.

for me, it will always a new experience for me.

what with the tittle? does it relate with the camp?

NO.

for this entry, i would like to share what i felt being around the nature, when day and night. :,)

the forest just can be explain with one word: SPEECHLESS.

nothing can be compare with it.

i walk around in the forest with my group. a group of strangers that hard for me to communicate with them.

i did make friends, but not good friends. THEY ARE SO RACIST! =.="

so i guess let me have the camp day by my own.

i take a deep look at every inch of the forest. and deep inside i wish i can look it with you.

walking through the deep moist forest. it felt so great.  A SATISFACTION.

i take a look one and every creature in the forest. even the smallest ant i can see.

AND I FOUND LEACH TO =.="

it felt like i know what the creature felt. living in the deepest forest. 

having everything for their own to live.

and i felt i want t o be apart of them.

at night, i can see the star so clear, very clear like the first day i sit with you and we look at it together.

it was cold. i can fell it straight through my bone. i don't have your sweater anymore,

but i have myself. :)

i hold on to my own body so i can kept warm.

and deep inside i whisper, 

IT'S OK FATIN, YOU STILL HAVE YOURSELF TO HOLD ON TO.DON'T CRY, NEVER,

because living in the real world and kept faking does hurt so much.

i have friends, best friends that i can say all of them is having a great relationship ;)

and i'm so happy for them, but i'm pity for myself.

looking at others happiness does make me sad. deep sad. SINCERELY

who does not right? 

i've been this way for a long time. i did survive. but with a lot of scares.

i've tried so hard to be happy, but eventually i will always know the truth that sometime we can live in our dream land for a long time.

WAKE UP!

what i felt now is, i felt deep sad or lonely. 

but i don't ever care for that. all i ever wanted is to be happy and i don't mind doing it all alone.

i take a deep breath and let it go slowly.

letting it moving forward slowly one by one.

and every single steps that i take to move forward, 

i felt that there is always torn in front of me, waiting for me to step on it.

but i guess everything have their own medicine to cure the pain.

AND MINE IN JUST BEING STRONG, AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES JUST TO BE FINE :,)

even i need to do it all alone.

doesn't mean i'm doing all of this for anyone, i really do it for myself. fixing myself to be a better person.

p/s: secondhand serenade , your call