your dead to me

people just change, at first they're okay, being lovable and all, those attention that they gave is sort of  like hope for me. little sparkling feelings that everyone felt when suddenly a person show a bit love or anything. the best feelings come especially when the person your in love with do that to you. owh, it's like a piece of heaven. but what if the opposite happens? you felt sick won't you? you had tried so hard, tried everything to make it just fine. not perfect, just fine. your not trying hard to make it perfect, your trying to make it just okay so that you can fell happy with that feelings. to show that you really worked hard on it and you deserve something. deserve a honest explanation or anything. but life seen unfair. why we can give the time for ourself to make the decision? can't we choose our happiness once in a while?at least just once? give it a shot , trying luck of anything? 

NOTE #O1 : your dead to me

i'm not giving up because i don't love you anymore, i give up because i just to into you, it's hard to let you go even your not even mine for years. why? is it a spell you out on me? i said i hate you a lot of time, and i lied to myself, about it. i love you. too much. maybe i make a big mistake loving you more than i love myself. i look stupid letting you crush my heart to pieces. i waste my tears for you along time ago. i really thought it will stop, but it will never if i still deeply in love with you. i blame you for what had happen to my heart. your dead to me now. because i'm tired. and i really don't want to make things worst for you anymore. this feelings is not going anywhere, reality, you may be dead to me forever, but my heart buried a thousand memories that we had together. that i promise you, will never ever be away from me, even a single second.

NOTE #02 : what is the matter with you?

what's wrong with you? i had explain? and you don't give me answers. i need one. i really confused with you now, are you really want this to happen or not? all i need is space and my own status in life. not giving commitment to people is the best way for us. we both have our own life, being apart like this does make us happy right? aren't you? i said my word. i give you time to think. if we were meant to be together, we will be together. imy :')

i used to be this crappy girl, cry all day long, thinking why is life so miserable for her, actually life is not. i guess i make myself felt miserable. i make my self felt pathetic. i make myself in pain. so i guess i ca take it all out away from me, one by one. i can see that i will have a brighter future if i focused what is really important and what is not. some things have to wait, and some things need to be done immediately. some things we can just let it go, and some things just stick in our head either it stays of go. it's all your decision, my decision. life maybe hard, maybe tough but i'm the one who going to makes my world goes around. hell yeahh i'm going to be fine. as long as i have myself, nothing going to stop me to live this life. my life :)