study crisis

tengok la jumlah  dia, 

sikit ann -____-" 

boleh lah, untuk short sem, tu study , bukan nya apa,

kalau nak bayar benda bukan-bukan tak pe, 

ni bayar yuran pown nak berkira ke fatin?

* thanks ibu for paying the fee :)

for the college fee, i guess my involvement for the production of the UKM magazine will eventually let me out from paying the college fee -___-"

study fee, SETTLE. 

paid for the short semester already and even already schedule the subject that i will be taking :)

and even better, me and my course mate already schedule the subject that we all going to take for the 3rd semester ! same class!

but still, *here's come the part that makes me frown all day long

__________________________________________

i did my study, i guess,

i did work hard on my grades, i guess

i did open my book don't i,

i have my short notes before going to the exam,

i read my books,

i did some revision,

but still. WHY IS MY RESULT JUST SUCKS? 

i want my result to just give me the strength of having this feeling ,

what feelings?

feelings of wanting to be a someone people could be proud of,

like, when my family hear about my results,

they would be proud of it :'(

i want to major in accounting,

i always said it to my friend,

it's kind of my mothers dream to see me in this field after i disappointing her of not taking education as my career ,

but still, i don't really mind what field i'm in,

but at least, i want to be happy for myself,

for being a "person",

something special. 

i work hard,

i guess maybe i just don't take it seriously,

take my study seriously,

i need to really score on this semester,

even it kills myself,

i envy to those who scores their exam,

you know, the feeling of satisfaction when you see A's on your exam slip,

when you show it to your parents , you we're like the happiest person on earth,

i really want to have that feelings too. even once :'(

* i'm ashamed of myself.

in a moment like this, 

i need someone to give me support,

those warm loving caring love,

people can't be trust so easily,

one day they are our friend,

the second day they are our enemy,

stabbing our back so hard, that we just couldn't see,

we are to blind to see and go through those thick wall of heart they have,

to really know, what's happening in their world, their mind,

i even can't see what's in my world.

i'm 20 years old now,

i guess i want to be cuddle like 2 years old child -____-"

i know, eventually things just go on,

move on,

i must not give up, never give up,

this is my life, my future,

whatever happens, nobody can help me but myself,

but still, i need help and advise :')

hidup universiti ni seronok, tapi susah nak survive,

kene kerja sangat kuat untuk terus hidup,

hati kene tabah, badan kena gagah,

jangan putus asa ya fatin :')

help, someone :'(