deep breath

yesterday was horrible,

it's killing me for being the way i am,

i cry and cry then i started to laugh by my own,

AM I GOING NUTS?

hate to admit but yes,

my family tumble around, i can't even breath in my own space,

i hate being the eldest,

i hate being the only daughter,

everything is always about what she want and what she desire,

MUM, I WANT MY OWN FREEDOM, I'M 19 NOW.

sya was there for me last night. thanks sayang.

and there teddy is, give me lay my head on it's big lap. :)

i cry and i wipe my own tears.

and just to felt better, i ate a box of chocolate chip cookies ice cream that i'm craving for one.

at that moment all i want to do is stop crying.

things get better past midnight.

i shiver because of the coldness of night waiting someone to pull my blanket on me.

but deep inside me, i know the truth that no one will be there for me like he use to be,

phone rang, sorry guys for threating you badly in the phone,

i have no energy for that moment to talk :(

then i have a dream,

can i say sweet dreams or nightmare,

we use to say that every night we both try hard to dream about each other,

and last night it came true,

we both were sitting at the same table,

and you ask me to teach you math.

that all i can remember, but i guess it's just a dream

and i don't want to fall asleep again,

because i know,

by the time i went back to sleep and start dreaming about you,

it's now a nightmare

p/s: let me be this way forever