Friday, December 30, 2011

I've tried. But i'm not forcing

Day 5

If i say i'm getting so much better, it will be a lie. Your face are still running around in my head. I still cry. But the best part of it. I'll stop :') Things at my home kept me busy. Mum ask me to be her driver the whole day. Then on the next day i went to my best friend house for breakfast and just hang out there with their family members, yet in the afternoon me and my little brother when for a swim.

to whoever is holding on to yourself facing heartbreaks. Don't let yourself sitting all alone in the room. Go out. Do something that can let your mind busy. because being miserable and let your mind thinking 'what did i have done wrong' is not going to help. 

But still, it's all about hearts and feelings. How far we run away from it, if its already stuck in our mind, if the memories to valuable to get rid or even to fade away, don't force it. I don't :') It's all about how you face it. How you manage to put it in the past, or let it go slowly. I've tried it for years. It come back to me like a magnet. But still, mistakes taught us to be prepare next time they come back.

I'm weak when it comes to you, but when time comes by. Bit by bit i've change to be a different person.

This one night, i pray for a sign. 
and guess what, i get it in one morning :')

but i'm confused about it. it's not clear. But i ignored it. Either i'm too tired to face another open scars or i just stand in silent doing nothing because i thought it's something. I take a step back to see either it's just me or we both still have the same feelings in mind. It's just a matter of time. I'm trying, but i won't force myself anymore. Whatever happen after this is just going to happen. It had been stated. I just need to take a step at a time. Learning and keep learning. Because i know when Allah take my happiness away, one happiness awaits me. And if i gain that happiness in future, another happiness of my will be taken away. Life is not easy. And life is not hard either. :)

People will have this feelings of insecurities. insecurities means that you feel things are just not right. You feel lonely and you need someone to hold on to you. Someone that can make you feel better. Someone that can say 'hey, i will be here for you, i won't let you cry alone'. I have this sickness. It's not a disease. It's just a feelings. An emotion. Everyone does. Sometimes having this feelings is not good. Because you will do something out of your mind. You don't think straight while doing it.   

For example. you dialed you ex's number, you add them back on the social network after blocking them, you send them a text saying 'imy', or worst 'i want you back'.

Don't do this to yourself beautiful. Because eventually, you will regret it. And it hurts.
if only i have this bodyguard of my own prevent me for doing all this stuff and become miserable

Future huh? i have a big exam next year that will be coming very soon. Can't wait to meet 2012 and start a new resolution *which i never actually followed every year when i wrote it down and i'm trying to make it work for 2012. and looking forward to be prepared facing the toughest semester next year. Did i say toughest already? yes, the most toughest i repeat. 

Say HELL-o to the world. Nurfatin Nadiah is passing by, and she will keep being stronger even how hard life going to bring her down. InsyaALLAH :)

p/s: i know the title of this song on my way back to JB in his car. I enjoy listening to it. i hope you too. Go listen. The beat is kinda retro.


Kidd Fallen said...

Past is what make us what we are now. Doesn't matter it is the bad or the good one, most of all it's important to get a lesson from it. Held high your head and just move on. Accept whatever happen because life isn't an I-Pod; that we can hear all our favourite song, its more like FM frequencies, you need hear whatever comes out. Life is simple, yet its not easy. ;)

fatinlullaby said...

aww. Thanks little kiddo :)