Hello 2012

So like all the blogger out there, it's kinda a ritual to actually write a post about new year. It's all the same. Flashbacks for the year 2011, new resolution for 2012. Memories that we want to cherish and share and heartbreaks that we wish to left behind. 

So here's mine

I don't actually really believe in resolution you know. I mean, we make a list on stuff we wish to do and not to do. But in the end, not even half from the list we actually follow. Maybe it's just me. 2012 will be different. I would like to highlight some stuff that had happened to me on 2011 and make up something for 2012. So here goes.

2011

My dream on becoming an accounting student came true :') but being an accounting student is hard work. If you're really really really into accounting. Then only you consider to major in it. If not, you will regret. *i guess i do a bit now. I actually manage to be settle in UKM right now. Settle down with the environment. Get along with few friends than can actually lend their ears for me. Share stupid jokes together. Be there for me when i need shoulder to cry on. But life is not going to be that perfect. Sometimes i still need to put on my fake mask in certain situation. nahhh, it's normal in life. i'm okay with that. :)

I loss few people i love and gain some. One thing i realize about this relationship thing. I'm tougher when dealing with this kind of stuff. Back then, i was so fragile. I don't know either i'm afraid to even get attach to guys anymore or i'm just tired with all this relationship shits. The feelings of wanting to have another person holding us, be beside us, share even the stupidest things in life is just very warmish you know. Sadly, i don't really have the chance to experience that long enough. I hurt the people who love me and i hurt myself just to be in love with the people i'm not sure either they are willing to do the same for me. This is just me i guess.

last but not least, how's life treating me on 2011. Sometimes i wish i have this time machine that people keep dreaming of. I do regret doing some few things in life that i wish i can go back and fix it. It's impossible. Even i have all the money in the world, i can't even  be back in the past for a second. 2011 does not kill me. But it bleeds like hell and incredibly it heals. :') 

2012

I'm not sure yet how my 2012 will be. either it's going to be worst or better. For sure i want it to be better. Everyone does right. Like i said earlier, i'm not that kind of girl who like to plan stuff. If things are going to happen , things will happen. I don't actually cares if it change last minute. i believe that it was meant to just flow.

Next semester will be a bit rough on me. With all the big project, graphic stuff, and all the incoming dance practice, i wish i can handle it calmly :') Bismillahirahmanirahim, dengan izin Allah, i want to change to be a better person. I'm not a good daughter and a good girl actually. When i said not good doesn't mean i'm that bad. You know what i mean. I loss a few friends in a car accident. It hits me. Mereka tak sempat bertaubat, still young and they lost their life is just a second. they don't even have the chance to seek forgiveness towards their parents. I have the chance to still breath and live. Why can't i be a good daughter? Just one thing i want to do when i'm still alive. To make the people around me that love me proud of me. That will not only be my 2012 resolution. It will be my life time resolution :)

i want to go for a diving at a beach can i?

Dear you, you were in my heart a long time now. On your birthday was the happiest day of my life. Back before the day we meet, things were hard on me. With all the assignment and pressure, meeting you was the adrenaline of it. I never thought it will end this way. Never. Even how hard we fight, we still end up being happy together in long distance. Being a good friend for each other. You know the truth that i'm hurt holding on to my feelings. The feelings of never give up on you bleeds inside me. Just so you know, you were the greatest guy that i ever fall in love too. And letting you go was the toughest decision i will ever made for us because i never give up on us after we broke up years ago. 

For now, i still love you and miss you every time i have this flashback when we were together.

But i guess, it was never worth it fighting for you because you're not willing to sacrifice for me like i did for you. 

please take care of yourself. Because if i was still there beside you, i will make you the happiest guy on earth. you were someone special for me, and still are. i even willing to give my life for you so you can still breath and be happy. 

Sadly, you never want me to be apart of you. To whoever is going to stay in your heart, please stand strong for him, please make him smile, because his special. You will be the luckiest girl on earth to have him.

take care of him will ya :')

i will be better in time. insyaALLAH. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. ALHAMDULLILAH, I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE TO STILL BREATH SO I CAN CHANGE MYSELF TO BE A BETTER PERSON :')

praying for you guys to change and  be a better person too. InsyaALLAH. 

tahun ni tragis. Celebrate new year kat library :') 

p/s : ‎2011 been through Ups n down,happy moments,bad arguments, experience that made a girl matured,failure,girl meet a boy,that was epic.2012 no new resolution. :) because every year the resolution is just a word - Nadiah Syed Abdullah