Thursday, August 25, 2011


I dream of you yesterday. you know it's hard for me to actually fall for someone for now. i guess being alone is way better than letting my heart to a guy. Allah let me meet the wrong guy so i can learn not to do the same mistake with the other guy. and believe me, Alhamdullilah i'm feeling much better now. Being a single and independent women. It's a lie if i tell you i'm complete like this. no. watching other people in relationship especially someone i know and care really brings me joy and at the same time deep inside is hurting me. why can't i feel the same like they did. maybe because of my past relationship mistake, i start to decide, lets not hold on to this relationship stuff for a while. Sometimes i'm being cruel to guys that i already know.i just can't find the right word to explain why i just want to be like this. having so some awesome time just being friends with everyone and eventually can be friends with a lot of guys without any control. not texting to one guy like 24 hours all day long #no offense. but it was me along time ago. not the present me. 

i was a typical girl who willing to do anything for the guys i really care about. # i am now, but not as bad as before. i was like 'that is my boyfriend, i'm willing to do anything as long as you can be happy with me,  wake you up every morning, text you like 24/7, and i want to make surprises for you so that you;re touched by what i did for you, and wth, if you have some other girl in mind, just tell me, i will let you go. i don't mind hurt myself but as long as you are happy i'm happy. 
this was the old me

i mean, i can be the part where i love to do surprises and all. but for me, relationship is just the pain in the ass. for now. let me focus on my study, let me achieve my dream to actually own a Honda Civic. yes people, it's a car. i want to spend my own money in my own way. bring my mum and dad to shopping and ask them to take anything that they want. bring grandma and my whole family to umrah together :')
you see, friends and family is my priority now. and it feel way much better. 

mama : then, akk tak nak kawen?
ibu : nanti tak ada sape nak kat kau kak bila kau dah tua.

p/s: aku benci soalan mcm ni. haha

ma, ibu, umur muda ag. eheem ehemm. haha. life is still young. let me finish my study and actually have a job. on the process on getting my dreams come true, insyaALLAH, ada jodoh nya. pernah dengar orang cakap, sayang orang yang sayang kita. but i tried that, been there done that. mcm tak jalan je. i'm a tupe of girl that the crush accidentally hit me. like yesterday, i dream about a guy. i guess it's kinda a crush. omg, and this morning, i just can't stop thinking of him. haha. you see, those kind of feelings that makes me really feel much better about life. just liking someone from distance and assure that i'm not going to be with that guy. just friends already make me feel better. kalau die pown ada crush jugak memang meroyan lah aku jawabnya. -.-"
this is me right now. not into something serious. kawan-kawan pon fun apa. kalau in relationship, banyak dosa wooo. haha. you guys understand right? i know not all relationship, but still. nafsu diri sendiri. 

lepas baca blog ni, baca doa dia bawah sekali. :')

it touched my heart. 

insyaALLAH, i know Allah love every umat in the whole wide world. He already plan the map for our life. we need to actually figure out the clues that he already put in it. belajar isi tersurat dan tersirat. dan sentiasa berdoa yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri. kenape perlu bersedih untuk nasib diri sedangkan kita tahu Allah sendiri tak pernah nak tgk umat die bersedih, cuma kadang-kadang dia bagi kita jalan susah untuk kita belajar dan insyaALLAH, kesenangan di dunia kita pasa masa depan, atau dunia nya di akhirat :')

p/s: lagi bape hari je nak raya :') yeayy. tapi sayang nak tinggalkan ramadhan :'(

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