will i regret it or not?

it happens, yesterday. the limit reached. it quite a long time to actually get mad at you after several attempt to just give up failed. but last night really happened. i don't curse. but i just give up and it felt like these unsure feeling just cover me.

will i regret it or not? 

my heart suddenly felt empty. Zero. heartless. your the reason i change. the reason i be the new me. the reason i left all those bad things that i had done to myself and eventually i kept in my mind. maybe one day if you come back to me you really want to be with me because of the new me. but i was wrong. you were fragile that time, you felt insecure with yourself, you think that life are sucks and nothing can make you satisfied at that time. you know what, that's how i felt the whole time now. but still, i never tend to hurt people because of my unsecured feelings. i'm hurt and i'n pain just trying hard to win you back. i always nagging at my blog about when i want to actually give up on you and move one. 

and it's hard to actually hate you :'(

because i love you so much. you know that.

now i'm having this heartache pain, feeling whether i should just not think of it or fix it up again. that's mean giving you more chances. i'm not the one who can judge you with your behavior, it's just, people make mistake. repeated the mistake over and over again. like me for an example. i know giving chances who don't really deserve it over and over again is a mistakes . but i'm a normal human being. and i'm the sensitive type of person. i easily forgive even i can hardly forget.

i don't know what i want to do to this feelings inside me for you anymore.

let it die or just keep hurting myself. 

i was the one who kept being nice and lovey dovey to all off you, but what did i get back? the first one is being the second person in your life and another is i'm get to be in you love list of being one of you future? i won't argue a thing about your decision because i think that 'wth, i'm just a pathetic sad girl you always giving chance to others' 

betul lah awk cakap, saya tak reti nak utamakan diri saya, saya suka utamakan orang lain

and in the end, i get nothing. even worst, heartache. 

note this, pengajaran hidup.

i learn a lot about life, sometimes, i know what will happen, but still i take the decision to actually give it another try wishing that other answer actually pop out from it. i felt down about myself because of others. i got people that love me so much but still i'm asking the people who can;t love me just wanting me so much. like a second choice in life? but why i let it get through me. i can make the decision right? but why i let others do it for me?

 mungkin sebab aku dah malas nak fikir semua ni. penat. aku fikir kalau aku jatuhkan diri aku rendah dari kau, kau nak angkat aku, bantu aku dengan hidup, tapi aku salah. tak semua orang boleh buat tu. mungkin aku boleh, tapi kau tidak.

i don't want to do this, because your the best thing that happen to me.