i did try to look away, it's just the feelings is not the same anymore. i admit i t hurts. to pretend it's not, i'm going to say it's a lie. i have the reason for everything that i did to self. is it wrong to actually hurt our self to make others happy? maybe it's a stupid action. but i don't know why i put other priority more important than mine. i never ask for anybody sympathy. i may look pathetic but i don't really make myself look stupid for others. i'm still not sure of these feelings. feelings for you, for getting close to you. i just need someone to fill those empty space. and there you are. being there for me. i don't really know how long i can stand being like this. i really don't know. and it hurts sometime
one thing that i feel that can change what I've been through right now :
you make the decision. not me. and that's how i actually make decision. based form others. so that they felt satisfied with it and be on the winning team.
what I've been doing and planning to do :
i really need time for myself. still holding on to actually own a job for these 2 month holiday. maybe i'm working and maybe i'm not. mum with her insecure feeling of me doing hard job -.-"
i really badly need to meet my friends. all of them who are actually here in JB before new semester starts on September. to whoever know how's my condition at home, i'm so sorry if i can't actually meet you. but i try my best okie dokie? :')
i will cook and learn how to cook and destroy my mum's kitchen. WACHAAAAAA.
tv, facebook, blogging, twitter, bla bla bla bla. and that sort of stuff that people do at home. lazy people like me. pfft.
owhhhhh, and the most important thing is:
I WANT TO CUT MY WEIGHT DOWNNN. REAL DOWNNN. DEEEEEEPP DOWWWN.
MISSION 'cutting the kg' :
reach 55 kg before entering next semester. and make people say 'fatin, kau nampak kurus' HAHA -.-"
like seriously people, i need to cut these fat(S) out.
p/s: i still can be on the line because my dad paid the broadband bill and delayed the plan to actually change to wireless connection :)
i'm at home now. and it sucks to have this unsure feeling of wanting to be here or not.
home is okay. it's just i need time to really get into the environment.
problem and crisis is not going to solve by itself, digest it slowly okay girl :)
so say hell-o to an unpredictable life in future