Starting fresh

I guess, since I've already neglecting this blog for a very long time, i decide to start over. Never, since day one i start blogging i decide to ditch this one. Never change the URL. I kept blogging and writing craps and stuff for years now. Sometimes i went back to my first post just to reminiscing 'good' old memories. I was so tak matang back then. Everyone does. I guess back then, every person who have a blog had their 'tak matang' post. 

So guys, (if there are still people who are reading this blog) i've decide to let this blog rotted and change to wordpress.

https://nurfatins.wordpress.com/


the end 

expecting something unreal

So basically i'm currently still in office and it's 6.30 p.m. someone just called me a work maniac. I have to agree with that. Seem it's like my nature since back then while i was doing my practical. I prefer to stay in the office till like 8 pm then i'll drive back home. 

Writing this post is just because tomorrow is my birthday. yup, it's my freaking 23rd birthday. And even while writing this it put a smile on my face. What is funny about it is nothing. Just like any previous year, i think the last time i went out to celebrate my birthday was 2 years ago. I can't remember what i did last year. Owh wait, it was during my practical months, not even a single human being in the office knew it was my birthday that day. except for the akk kerani, cause she add me on facebook. Balik rumah and there was this cake that that ibu bought for me, i think i ate the whole cake by myself. But this year definitely gonna be same old same old.  

What with the expecting the unreal ? I guess i always wanted to celebrate my birthday with my close friends. All of them at once. Since 2 of my best friends are in KL, one of them are in JB but still studying. Basically i'll go for a date with all of them one by one if any of them are in JB or free.  Cause i met all of them in different place. High school best friend, matriculation neighbors and tuition mate i guess. Every year i always wish for something special. on my birthday. I guess all of us are. Some are lucky to have a group of friends make a small party for you, family who gather together and sing a birthday song for you. And the luckiest person ever to have a boyfriend that filled your room with balloon, flowers, cakes, play and sing for you a birthday songs, and said 'i'm glad that you were born and god let us be together' Best feelings ever don't you think? There, i said it. Cheesy me wishing all this ridiculous things will happen to me tomorrow on my birthday. I watched too much movies and stalk lots of pretty girls on intsa. haha. 

Maybe tomorrow i should go buy myself some fresh flowers, treat myself a birthday cake with a huge cup of starbucks, buy those Lang Leav book that i've been craving so bad *which is tunggu gaji and maybe go watch hunger games! THANK YOU FOR RELEASING THE MOVIE ON MY BIRTHDAY. best birthday present ever!!! :)

I'll write more soon about how gladdddd i am turning 23! 

Will you do the same for me?

Because I've been taking care of others feelings. And I've sacrifice my own for few months now. I thought i'm strong enough to resist things, peoples and feelings that can put me down, can make me insecure. After years, i still failed. Or maybe i'm too good on letting these emotional pain eating me inside. And i thought at some point i can become resist to any heartache. Both from the peoples i love and also strangers. Up till now, i sometimes cry all byself and let the sadness eats me alive. And fake laugh, music, lot of sleeping and some of the nights i spend with crying and regreting, then i'll be fine. I don't really know what is wrong with myself. Should i seek any help? But one thing i know, i always have to fix my relationship with the one who created me. I always wanted a guy who can guide me and remind me abt solat, abt being a better muslim. I know this is random, but i really do. Or is it the other way around? Where you help people, and guide them at the same time it will turn back to you. Where you do good deeds to others and you hope people will do the same?

Insecurities sucks big time 

Graduation

To waiting for this day to come are just too dreadful but at the same time, i create a new history in my life and for my family.  So it should be remembered for the rest of my life. Because I've been complaining how study life was a pain in the ass like all the time. So this time, is about me leaving study life for good. I guess. I would like to thanks like tonnes of peoples in my life right now. The one who are still there for me, or doesn't. Being a student was the best time of my life. I learned a lot during that period of time. Failure, heartbreaks, friendships, love, sacrifice, alone and to whatever emotions and situations i was experiencing that time taught me and made me become what i am today. I don't expect people to see me in different way, but i know myself more than anyone else. I become this completely different person that i never thought i will be. And till now, i'm so thankful to every route that i have been through, that Allah had put me in the past several years up till today. Grateful to whoever had stick with me throughout my 23 years of life. I guess i would really like to close this chapter of my life, but hold this tight to myself. because it was a pretty good and wonderful memories. I want to let it to stay the way it are. Because right now i'm entering the phase of adulthood. Which i guess must be tougher. But i have my strength. i guess i know how to take control of my own feelings or any situation i'm in. My purpose of life is to seek satisfaction in life and happiness which is to put myself, family and my friends as my priority. Because i believe both happiness and pain are a gift from Allah. He let us feel. He let us cry. He let us laugh. All with a reason. Alhamdullilah for everything. I'm proud of myself. *self five*