my lullaby story

It hit me

2012-02-10T17:49:00.000-08:00

Browsing through some of my favorite blog. Doing the scheming and reading. So far to whoever saw my twitter, yes, i'm so not in a good mood. Not being excited to be back in UKM today neither staying at home. Just not in the state of good mood. I have this bubble of emotion that is waiting to get burst. BOOM -.-" Those mix emotion you know, zee happy, sad, excited, scared, worried, mad. Mix them all in a pot, stuff it inside zee ballon and WOLLAH. Just don't even dare come close to me and point at me a pin. You won't like to see me get mad or even cry. Because i look ugly.

I'm one of this problem teenagers who have problem with their parents. i did write about this before. Having this 'parents-don't-understand-teenagers-hormone' problem yesterday. And all the other days when i'm at home actually. Yesterday was the climax. Like me going back to KL and face the reality that my mum had in her mind. Those imaginary about teenagers who study in Kl being wild and go hang out with guys all day long, bla bla bla. and the worst part is, me celebrating valentine? like please, the last valentine that i celebrate was few years ago. when i was so 'muda-zaman-sekolah-bodoh2-lagi' . I've reach zee age 21. I know Valentine is haram mother. -.-" But still, after what i had done, i don't think mom have the mind set that i;m old enough to get loose. To be free. Not my mum actually. But hey, she's still my mum, and alhamdullilah i still have a mum :') But i;m a teenagers, i have this teenager hormone that sometime those bubble of emotion really want to explode. Me being 21 y/o really teach me how to be more mature, to be much stronger i guess :')

I read her post, latest post, and it hit me. *courtesy of this blog.

btw, this girl is going to continue her study in Australia.

You will learn to appreciate and love your parents more than anything. You will realise that as you are growing up, they are growing old, and it is just a matter of time before you replace them. My parents have done so, so, so much for me. Too much that no matter how annoying and stubborn my dad gets, and no matter how much my mum nags or how hurtful whatever my parents have said, they could never thwart the respect and love I have for them. Because they have done too much. Things can be simply put as, without them I would not be where I am today. That basically sums up everything.

Some support won't hurt right mom? But i guess i'm the one who need to be mature. She's just being her. She's my mum. All the thing she said eventually right. Even thou it's wrong. Syurga bawah tapak kaki ibu an . Dengan berkata 'ah' pown berdosa.

Me being so rebellious. Rebellious teenagers.

Life move on. Eventually i will always want to prove her wrong. Make her proud. Change those tears to 'proud tears' I want her to cry not because of my wrong doing, but my success in life. handing over my degree scroll to her. Just anything that i can pay her and dad back for their hard work on raising me. Money won't be enough to cover all those sacrifice. In 3 years mom , dad.

It's okay thou if you can't see what i done sacrificing myself to hold on to anything that i am doing just to make you guys proud. It's okay if you don't see my cry myself figuring things how i'm going to survive my teenage life and all. Sooner or later, things will turn out to be fine. Because i know i'm not alone. Allah will always there for me. The whole journey.

I know i'm not a good muslimah, but seeing people change to be solehah and soleh. Seeing my friends wearing hijab and all. Allah never left their umat all alone in the world and let them suffer. Allah is helping us. Not in a drastic way. It's our self who make the changes, Allah is guiding us through it. We might fall back, we might keep doing the same mistake, but deep inside ourself, we know we did change, even just an inch. But it's still a chnages. And we should be proud of it. Because i do.

p/s : heading back to KL today. There goes my 3 weeks holiday. Goodbye JB. till we meet again in like 5 month or less -.-"

and i'm still worried about my exam result.

My 3 weeks holidays had come to zee end

2012-02-10T00:53:00.000-08:00

This semester holiday i can say was the same than usual semester holiday. Those hangout with family and friends, spending the whole day being a fat lazy teenagers, being an unpaid employee at home, being a 'forever-alone-teenagers' and go drive all by myself do some stupid shopping, sitting at Mc Donalds. Did i mention being a fat lazy teenagers. I do feel fat sitting at home. That means more food less physical activities -.-"

But hey, sooner or later time will move on. And my time being zee fat lazy teenagers sooner will finish. I can't believe those 3 weeks holiday finally come to the end. Do you have those moment when your at home, you feel like being back in Universities is ways awesome? and if you were in Universities you feel like you badly want to go home? Student usually have those moment. But this time of holiday, i don't feel like that. Maybe 40 % of me wanting to be back in UKM. But home feel pretty nice to me actually. having the car all by myself the whole holiday. Me back and forth going back to Singapore. Especially those free food that i can get at home. The best part of it, the kitchen is like open 24/7 for me. :D *not good. not good at all btw

p/s : sape berani tegur ckp aku mengembang naik sem ni, aku pancung kepala die. *seriously

Zee best friend :)

We meet like twice a year. Every semester holiday. Like seriously, kan bahagia kalau dapat satu universiti dgn kau :'( She is the best best friend that i will never ask more than anything. Cukup dan lengkaplah hidup aku sebagai seorang insan. Thank you Allah for giving me this greatest give of all. The best friendship in the whole wide world. She's like this quiet person and she's a very good listener. The best i can say. No words can describe how glad i am to have her in my life. :')

She's the best sister ever :')

see you in 5 month syg

So theres go my 3 weeks holiday. Heading back to KL tomorrow *Saturday.

And seriously, the only thing that bothering my head right now is my exam result for my 3rd semester.

No failed, please no failed :(

Good day everyone.

AT LAST. zee varsity jacket

2012-02-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

I don't like zee colour actually. But still, it's a varsity jacket. Who cares.

Paying it tomorrow! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Can't wait to hold this baby!

I would like to transfer may fatty layer to you -.-"

2012-02-03T03:17:00.000-08:00

Y R U SO KURUS? -.-"

The last time we meet was like years ago. Maybe when we was dating each other back then :D

So meet Muadz. His single btw. And his looking for a new gf. Seriously, if you want to know him, just tell me *he ask me to promote him btw

He love to make fun of me. And i really don't mind. Because it makes me comfortable. I hate when i go out alone with guy and those moment where both of us are in silent. That will be total awkward. -.-"

thank god that i'm a talkative person.

So thank you for the great evening. :)

Friends is the best gift that Allah ever gave me in life. Alhamdullilah

So hye

2012-02-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

Watsupppppppp. :D

I know i'm ugly and fat. Cannot do anything because i;m the laziest person on earth and i'm so malas nak exercise. But bersyukur sebab masih bernafas :)

To all my degree peeps. How was your holiday so far? I don't feel like my holiday has reach the awesome level. I have the car all by myself for the whole holiday. But i was only allowed to drive around only on work days. I do work on holiday. Being a full time driver and maid. UNPAID. -.-"

I spend a lot of my time at grandma's house in Singapore. Because there i have the freedom to do anything and go anywhere. Tapi kalau poket kering pon tak guna. So thank you so much to grandma's banking :D

I really wish i have tones of picture, awesome picture for you guys can view and have fun reading this post. But i'm so sorry. This is a dull post nagging to the world that i need something fun! bosang tau bosang -.-"

i heard my mum going to bring me and my family for some water adventure thing this week. We'll wait and see then.

I don't mind for now getting hurt. I don't know, i guess it makes me stronger. Or maybe i'm not that stronger but i act like i am. I have this thing that makes me wanna scream and cry all day long. To make it clear, it's not about relationship or anything. it's about my family. You know when your old enough , your parents always try to find anything that you did wrong. You did things that they ask to and you hope that they see you as a good children. but they only saw you the opposite side. I kinda envy to see parents that are so understanding towards their children even thou their children already 21y/o. But the truth is, the older the person become, they really want their parents to really understand what they've been through. To be there for them

They raise me, they give me life. i know that they have the right to do anything with my life.

But i just need them to understand me. that's all. i never ask more than that.

tapi aku bersyukur masih ada ibu dan ayah.

it's just.....

till then people! enjoy your holiday to the fullest!

You was my mistake

2012-01-26T06:55:00.000-08:00

I hold myself to not think about you. But i'm not a robot to set my brain not to think of you, to delete you totally in my memory. Watching back with what i had done to myself and what i am now, i can pat myself on the back and said 'you're doing well fatin'. I'm in Malacca right now. Even my best friend was shock asking me what is the hell i'm doing here. The plan was just me visited my grandma in Malacca and slept here for a night then drive back to JB. One night stayed in Malacca changed into a week here. I'm glad to be far away from my little brother actually. You know what will happen when you have 2 little brothers who like to have a fight with you just because of a remote control and a broadband -.-". I felt like being in a piece of heaven here at my kampung. Imagine, unlimited wireless, awesome food cook by grandma, drive my aunt anywhere that she want to go almost everyday. Did i already mention free food?

Malacca holds 1000 memories for me. I used to ask him, 'what was the best memories you had with me' and you answered the same thing with the memories that i have in my heart. Trust me, if i drive through that place few years from now , you will be the first person pops out from my head.

If only we were still together, i guess maybe i will having McDonald with you right now. Or maybe went for a movie together. See, i'm having scenes on my head. scenes that i'm not suppose to be having, It's not good. Not good at all. But you know what, Not everything in life is bad stuff. Having this flashbacks and these made up scenes up in my head help me to realize that all of those thing was my past and it will never going to come back to you. How hard you pray, how hard you cry, how hard you beg, It won't come back to you. It's called 'tersedar' . Tersedar yang semua ni cuma mainan hati, mainan setan yg nak buat kau menangis, yang nak buat kau jatuh, and that kind of insecure feelings. no good. no good at all.

and guess what, i manage to tepis it :'D *sorry for my bahasa -.-"

Bila aku sujud atas tikar sejadah, bila aku solat, bila nak tidur, aku sentiasa memaafkan segala dosa-dosa manusia yg buat salah dgn aku tak kira sebesar mana pown.And guess what, i feel calm. I'm not that what people called 'seorang yg kuat imannya' . Tapi cukuplah kalau aku solat 5 waktu dan trust me, i'm trying so hard to be a better person. a better muslimah. It take times :')

So i bet, good things and good effect in life will hit you. We can't see it coming, to feel it come? slowly you will feel it. Allah is helping you. Either he gave you slowly, or hit you even harder so he can reward your strong heart sooner or later. It's called a test. Not a burden. Note that :)

Don't always sulk about what life had hurt you. Please stop it. And stop telling it to the whole wide world about it. People that hurt you normally felt proud if they saw you cry over them. So show to them that you're happy. If you can't, pretend that you're okay. They won't know right. It might hurt them you know.

I just want to write, so it will make me feel better. It's a lie if i said i don't miss my past. The only thing i can do when i miss him i just can see his profile picture. Just that. Cukuplah :')

"Allah never throws you deeper than you can go. He throws you from such a height where He knows yes you may fall, gain a few scratches, and open wounds, but He also knows how much sabr, tolerance and will power you have to stand back up. Yes we all complain, moan and cry saying 'Why Me!' but why do we forget this life is a test; Allah is making you, not breaking you. He is by your side, He is your shadow and your guiding light.." - tumblr

:')

Hold on if you think it's worth it.

2012-01-22T20:54:00.000-08:00

Leaving you with just a tittle of the blog. It takes me like hours for me to think what am i going to write in here. Things are not right up there in my brain. A lot of things hit me. good one and bad one. 3 weeks of holiday and i feel like a doll sitting at one place just hoping that anyone just drag me on doing something for myself. Say me lazy, but actually i'm just bored to death. But still, i'm having a good feeling lately. Bbq with lovely cousins, unstoppable shopping. Sales just not going to help me save my money for me buying my new camera. And i have this tingle feelings that a new viva is becoming the new family member. No hopes but crossing ma fingers. Going to be the awesome year ever.

2012 will not be as bad as 2011. Having a good feelings about it. :)

in life, you may choose one, either you choose to always let yourself drag into being miserable about other people happiness, or just walk though the life with strong heart and high faith that a lot things and obstacle awaits you.

You mold yourself what you are going to be. Not others.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

IT'S THE YEAR OF DRAGON.

so don"t worry, the dragon only eats oranges :D

Formspring

2012-01-18T10:06:00.000-08:00

It has been 5 weeks since the last time i open my formspring. What is formspring? Hanya manusia yg ada akaun ni je tau ape kegunaan die :)

someone drop by my page and send me this question. To actually said it's a question, i don't think so. It's more like words dedicate for me. Thank You anonymous. I really appreciate it.

Cinta sejati adalah ketika dia mencintai orang lain, dan kamu masih mampu tersenyum, sambil berkata: aku turut bahagia untukmu ~ If u could do this, u should be proud of urself. Jangan dikacau cinta mereka. Biarkan :)

Hati sudah redha, sudah pasrah.

Finally. Exams over. Hello holidays

2012-01-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

It was my last paper for today. No touching any books for 3 weeks. Not even dare to take a glance any books right now. Study mood off, holiday mood partially on. Why partially you ask? I don't think that my result going to be okay for this semester. Can we just skip the part that i suck answering almost majority of my exam paper?

ekh, nak dgr cerita lawak tak? Seriously, if you're a UKM student. you will laugh at this. Fyi, i will be mentioning the UKM TNCHEPA'S name. To make it clear, TNCHEPA means 'timbalan naib canselor hal ehwal pelajar'

I post a status about the FRS paper. About how frustrated i am studying it. I post this :

'Ingat dah nak last paper rasa seronok. Lagi tak stabil mood. Rasa mcm nak terjun bangunan pown ada. -.-"'

Suddenly, there's an inbox for in in fb. And you can guess who inbox me -.-" TNCHEPA UKM. He send me that message. Dari kepala aku tension study frs pukul 3 pagi sorang2, terus hilang tau :D

Orang terpenting UKM kot inbox care pasal aku. Sape tak terharu. It's one of the funniest memories i will be bringing along in my life as a UKM student :')

Like seriously, no mood for holiday. Everyday i will be haunted by the feelings of scared to death about my incoming result. I think accounting was meant for me since i was in school. Bape tahun kot sentuh akaun ni. Mmg tak minat, but there's no choice when i was back in school. Either you choose to be a science student or an accounting student. I guess it's kind of my parents decision. If only after school i get to continue my study in TESL or anything related to English, my life would be much better i guess. :') I did mention to my friend about changing courses. Taking English study maybe. Tapi fikir balik, parents nak approve ke? from business field to language field? I don't think so. I don't know. I need time to settle down with the new 4 years studying environment. InsyaALLAH, susah sekarang, masa depan aku cerah kot. Mana ada belajar senang sekarang. Semua susah. Everything involve money will be difficult. Susah sekarang, who knows 5 years from now i will be a successful accountant. Or any jobs that relate to it. Asalkan aku kerja, dapat gaji, boleh beli kereta, bila kuar dgn family, they don't need to pay anything. Just a single smile from their face seeing me success in life is enough.

Life give this long pause that let me think critically. Girls like me maybe thinks a lot. Have a wild imaginations about life. Who doesn't?

SO hell-o holidays.

3 weeks of holiday huh? I sucks in planning holidays. And lastly i end up waking around 11 a.m, laying on my big bed, being so lazy like cat. Only get up to scavenging for food and watch tv. When the clock strike 4 i will be the 'anak perempuan paling rajin dalam dunia' . Start doing all the house work. Woshhhh, mcm flash. Pukul 5 dah ada balik depan tv. Like a boss. Rumah dah clean, laundry dah settle.

That's the plan. If only my friends decide to hang out. Then i will go out.

But I've decided to spend my 3 weeks holiday in Singapore with grandma. No phone, no facebook. Just sweet smell of grandma cooking, and unlimited visit by the awesome cousin and friends, not to forget the wonderful time spending at the beach and anywhere around Singapore * yg tau jalan je lah.

owh, just wanna tell you that i have this one mission :

next sem, i want people to said this to me immediately they saw me

'KURUSNYA KAU FATIN'

hahahaha. Nekad habis dah ni nak try susutkan badan masa duduk rumah. I'll try, no promises :D

So happy holiday peeps. Used them wisely. Enjoy and have fun. Because you know what, things will be hard on you for next semester. And also the upcoming semester after that. muahahahaha.

HASTA LA VISTA, BABY! :*

Chances

2012-01-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

Cukup 3 minggu 4 hari kau tak ada dalam hidup aku.

It's a lie if i said, i stop thinking about you. It's a big lie if i said that i don't miss you at all.

Jauh mana pon kau lari, jauh mana pon kau pergi, dalam mana pown kau sembunyi, kau dah jejak kaki kau dalam hidup aku. I don't think it's impossible to erase it. It just not there anymore, but you left me trace, you left me with scars, you let me heartless. Cukup aku rasa nak buat diri aku tak kan pernah sempurna untuk sesiapa. I get involve with someone relationships and i end up taking risk hurting myself. I'm just a fern siting on a tree trunk. *faham tak? I'm not the old me anymore. Wasting my tears for some stupid heartbreaks. Heartbreaks taught me to be much stronger. Smiling is the new tears.

I want to end this entry about you saying that i miss you. (':

When i look what i am back then when i was in high school, when i'm with other people, when i was with you. A lot of mistakes happen. I don't think hard enough when doing something. Young people with their silly mistakes. Not saying that i'm old enough now to think maturely. But i'm going to meet Mrs 21. -.-" Shockingly, the matter of getting married was a playful thing when we were 12 or 18. Aku main kawen-kawen dgn masak - masak kot atas pokok masa tuh. Having crush for boys is like the best feelings ever.

true story - masa kecik dulu, pergi sekolah agama. I have this crush on a guy. we used to exchange letter. bila dapat surat 'cinta' dia, bau minyak wangi. mak aihhhhhhh, serious tuap2 mlm nak tido cium bau surat tu. Aku pun ape kurangnya. Kalau boleh, nak je perap surat tu dlm bedak seminggu.

Sila gelak. But it's true. Orang sekarang panggil cinta monyet. Dulu zaman2 surat menyurat famous. Nowadays kids don't play those game boy that need you to insert a card of something. Aku dulu berebut nak main game papan tu dgn adik aku. I spend my weekends at home watching barney. Yes, the annoying purple dinosaur that have this short hand. FAVORITE OKAY. Always have always been :)

And when i was kid, i don't even know that cinema was a place for all age people. Ingat just dewasa je boleh masuk. Sekarang aku siap pickup adik aku dgn gf die balik tgk wayang. Boleh 'hye,hye,sayang,sayang' pulak dalam hp and facebook. Spoil kids. -.-"

See the difference between old times and the present?

People will eventually grow old. At certain point they will settle down in life. Have this thought about holding on to one partner. 2 years relationship is the new beginning of a lifetime marriage. It will be awesome watching our old school mate who we played kejar-kejar kat padang sekolah, main masak-masak depan rumah dah nak kawen :')

*tarik nafas panjang. Life is so challenging. But for me, doing the same routine everyday is just a normal challenge in life. I need something fun. Something that can make my adrenalin get high. Like doing sky jumping, go across the world learn about other peoples life, touch snow, meet justin beiber, learn how to play a electric guitar, eat food from all over the world.

Tak salah an nak berangan-angan :) Dreams help us to achieve success in life.

left you with a song sang by Ed Sheeren. Wonderful song, great voice :)

What is Meroyan?

2012-01-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

I've started my exam week for like a week now. 3 paper done. Another 3 is on their way. For now, what can i say about this weeks is 'NOT AWESOME. NOT AWESOME AS IF THE SICKEST WEEKS OF MY LIFE' . I thought the more paper I've sited, the better i will feel. Semalam lepas paper costing, keluar dewan, rasa macam gelap masa depan. As if when my mum ask 'okay paper' i just respond 'ma, dah boleh kawen'. Seriously, i was hoping that the paper would be much nicer because i have this mindset about the other paper that i will sit eventually going to me very hard on me. Cannot brain this lahhhh *bak kata lily.
And again, may i advise you that if you were thinking on taking accounting in UKM, fikirlah dua tiga kali.

So what is 'meroyan' actually?

To make it clear, meroyan is a malay word. And if i translate it to English, let say the meaning will be 'unstable emotion'. But meroyan sounds much annoying don't you think? So semenjak dua menjak ni, almost all of my friends having this syndrome, or is it sickness, or it's sort of an attitude?

exam = meroyan

meroyan = we show faces, emotion, action that people might have the thought 'aku ada buat salah ke dgn dia'

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. sekarang ni musim meroyan.

and how you can cope with this? Just know that the people that's having the 'meroyan' moment, they're just not in a good mood. Very not good. Eventually, sooner or later, they will be okay. And you don't have anything to do with it. As long as you didn't make them more piss off than they are now. contoh mcm orang tu tgh mengamuk sbb kene hujan, lepas tu kau g amik air satu baldi siram kat dia. Sort of like that.

Semalam lepas meroyan, kami berpartayyyy bersama.

Another 2 years. Ni baru tahun pertama jadi pelajar accounting. Bnyk lagi benda tak rasa, bnyk lagi sakit tu belum datang. Bertahanlah wahai hati. :)

i need to go now. I have tones of notes need to be memorize before sitting for my law paper this morning. Buhbye.

p/s: maxim delegates non postest delegrae - is this really a law term? why i feel like i just studied Spanish?

My heart is officially taken.

2012-01-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

Like seriously, i'm not a big fan of him. I never stalk him. Don't even care about his story or gossip and all. I don't even know who's his partner is. I don't even know that he had children. All i know that his a Singaporean. His kinda famous. And memang tak lah dia kenal aku.

I regret asking Yat for his movie. Sumpah menyesal. Tekad dalam hati *don't cry. But every time he apper on a scene, i was like *sob sob, amik towel kecik and lap hingus serta air mata. LIKE WHAT -.-"

Cerita apa lagi. Ombak Rindu lahhh.

Say me lame sebab lambat tgk cerita ni. But i don't feel really excited to watch this movie. People kept saying that the movie are great and awesome. After watching it, i hate to admit that officially in love with the movie. And i'm freaking in love with him -->

HIM

YES, THIS HANDSOME HUNK DUDE

YAAA, I KNOW. CANNOT TAHAN KAN -.-"

p/s: i'm still in the exam week and i ruin one night watching Ombak Rindu. And now i'm screwed. -.-"

Exam starts today already? *garu-garu kepala

2012-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

After almost 2 week of study week Wait, make mine one week. Because the first week of study week, i was back at home having some 'early holiday' if you know what i mean.

SO HELLO EXAM WEEK.

i might said that i'm freaking afraid of study week. But actually, Exam week scares me the most. I'm not a person that have this high confident about myself on doing something. When i was in first year, i break down into pieces because my result is kinda like not what i expected compared to how i study every day for the exam. It's frustrated you know. But still, life goes on. There like hundreds more exam that all of us student need to sit before graduate. And fyi, i think exam is not a good system for us student. Comparing us with grades? Nowadays of you want to own a good job, yahh, people will see where did you study, and what degree that you take, but the most important things are, can you communicate well with people? Being in the real world is not about how genius your brain are, is like how you react with the people. The real people in the real business you know. I rate myself around 65% on soft skills and another 40% on brain. I'm not that clever compare to all my friends out there. But when i start to talk and crunching ideas, i can do that.

But who cares about my opinion, even the prime minister don't even know me -.-" I'm living my life in Malaysia, nak tak nak kene jugak ikut sistem pendidikan deyorang. Just wish that one day, this freaking exam system dibubarkan. Focus on their soft skills and stuff will ya.

BACK TO THE BASIC. GOOD LUCK PEOPLEEEEE.

especially to all UKM Accounting Student!

Semoga berjaya, Semoga diberi ketenangan hati ketika menjawab soalan dalam kertas, Semoga diberi petunjuk ketika menjawab, Semoga dilapangkan dada.

Don't forget to pray to ALLAH and hope that he give us the strength to face all the examination papers and achieve good result for it :)

6 MORE PAPER TO GO.

Saturday

2012-01-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

Before you guys start to read this. Note that I've copy paste this from someone blog. I'm not a good writer. Especially in English. When i really want to write something. It didn't came out right. The meanings eventually change. But then, when i read few of my friends blog. They seems to write the right things on their blog. So guys, if you don't mind. I would like to paste it here in my blog. So we can share. And we know that we're never alone in having all this mixed emotion. :')

SATURDAY

“It is a mixture of salt content with some long chemically hard pronouncing minerals terms that will surely confuse everyone.”
That’s almost everyone’s concept if you would to ask them what they really know about tears. Fact is, everyone cries but few bother asking.

For all we know, crying is the first thing that comes after birth.
When we are growing, crying often gives advantages over the slightest mistake made over a clumsy fall.

As we grew older, crying helps to relieve the inner grief that is unbearable. Sometimes we tried to hold back, but Mother Nature filled every human being with so many emotional cells that sometimes it seems that tears are free to flow from within.

Adults cried quietly, trying to hide the attention of those weary eyes.
I cried many times in my life, sometimes over silly things, sometimes over a sad movie, sometimes over a failure, sometimes over a relationship.

Its funny to say, but I sometimes enjoyed crying alone. Given a choice, I would prefer to remain youth forever and cry in the arms of my parents when I’m sad. I know this won’t happen. I’m grown up now, I made my decision, I walk my own route. And if we made a wrong choice, we faced the consequences ourselves.

Crying heals inner pain, for the lost of someone or something special is sometimes impossible to explain with understanding human terms. It is a better way of express of sadness & grief than any form of action put together.

Every person who cries will need a shoulder for support. A strong firm shoulder who can shelter the sadness from the touch of wrath. So next time you ever see a person crying, lend him/her your shoulder, cry with him/her if you want.

After shearing the tears of agony, you must remember to pick yourself up. Though many people has taught you that its no use crying over spill milk, you must remember to fetch another pail of fresh milk and continue in life. Many people are stuck in the whirl of disbelief when they are sad and often resulting in loss of confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. When you do that, you would realize that people won’t support you as much as you hope they will.

So remember,

“ To cry is a gift, not a burden in life. ”

Source

Under control i guess

2012-01-05T00:24:00.000-08:00

Still haven't sit for my final exam. Another 3 days till final. And a lot more need to be cover. One week of study week was wasted just like that because i enjoyed being at home, feeling like a boss, not studying AT ALL -.-" *tepuk dahi.

So thanks to my lemau :* for helping me get through this. She make me a study scheduled. It helps me a bit i guess :') Thanks lemau.

INSYALLLAH, by this Sunday, i'll be 70 % prepare to sit for zee exam :)

BUT THE WORST PART OF THIS WEEK STUDY WEEK.

and i get easily hungry. But still, no water? How am i going to feel fresh ? How am i going to go to toilet? How am i going to make breakfast?

AND HOW AM I GOING TO COOK MAGGI?

this is not helping me to score A's for my exam.

Later, on my test paper, if i can't answer any of the question. i will write this on my test paper.

dear professor, please don't give me zero on my test. I can't focus on my study because THERE ARE NO WATER IN MY DORM *i will highlighted this. Imagine your home without no water. Do you can still be fresh doing your work and research professor? I hope you will understand my situation.

sincerely, your beloved student who still bath before taking the exam.

Staying Strong

2012-01-03T05:41:00.000-08:00

Allah bagi kau keperitan sebab dia nak hapuskan dosa-dosa kecil yang ada pada kita. Dia uji kau sebab dia tau kau kuat nak hadapi semua ni. Dan bersabarlah wahai hati, ada ganjarannya jika kau bertahan. :)

still staying strong *kesat-kesat air mata

Study week is not staying strong for me. I break easily because everything is not okay.

Mengadulah kepada dia yang mewujudkan kau didunia ini.

Kawan tepuk, tampar, gelak sakan, susah, senang :)

2012-01-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

Ye sha, aku tau aku nampak kurus an part badan. Pipi memang x ley sorok.

She's the girl who if you want to have a gossip moment with. What makes her special, we have those awesome conversation on her motorcycle.

She's the girl who will make you laugh and will let the smile stays on your face for like minutes after that.

She's the girl who will eat together with you no matter what type of food and the price will be.

She's the girl who will make fun of you and let you make fun of her back.

She's the girl who you can tell secrets to.

She's the girl you can tell who's your crush are.

She's the girl who will curse they guy who hurts your feelings.

It will take me like days to make a list about how she's being an awesome girlfriend.

I know it, because she's my girlfriend :')

and i love her.

p/s: kau merupakan punca aku mengembang tahu. study je mesti ajak aku g mcd. i hate you. :D

So far, yet so close :')

2012-01-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Letting go, even if it hurts, doesn't mean you

have to let go of everything.

You just have to let go of the person and your feelings

for her/him but the memories will always be there

whether it's good or bad.

Because every time you remember those memories,

it will always put a smile into your heart.

And be glad that once in your life this person

made you happy and put colors into your

Life even if it's just for a while.

imy. always :')

source

Good Luck for the examination :)

2012-01-01T09:26:00.000-08:00

Just dropping by to say hey to everyone. Yup, almost all of us is spending their new year studying and sitting for the final examination right. So do i. But lucky me because my paper start on 9th. And sadly, i'm not even close to be half prepare for it. pfft. But it's okay. I figure out how i can manage my last week to eventually finish study. :') Hopefully by Saturday at least i'm more than half percent prepare for it.

Currently making notes for law. At some point i have this state of mind, how come i can be so hyper studying for exam but on normal day class i'm so lazy to actually revise what i had actually learned in class?

THE POWER OF EXAMINATION.

Enjoy studying people. Because i do. I try to :o)

Hello 2012

2011-12-31T07:58:00.000-08:00

So like all the blogger out there, it's kinda a ritual to actually write a post about new year. It's all the same. Flashbacks for the year 2011, new resolution for 2012. Memories that we want to cherish and share and heartbreaks that we wish to left behind.

So here's mine

I don't actually really believe in resolution you know. I mean, we make a list on stuff we wish to do and not to do. But in the end, not even half from the list we actually follow. Maybe it's just me. 2012 will be different. I would like to highlight some stuff that had happened to me on 2011 and make up something for 2012. So here goes.

2011

My dream on becoming an accounting student came true :') but being an accounting student is hard work. If you're really really really into accounting. Then only you consider to major in it. If not, you will regret. *i guess i do a bit now. I actually manage to be settle in UKM right now. Settle down with the environment. Get along with few friends than can actually lend their ears for me. Share stupid jokes together. Be there for me when i need shoulder to cry on. But life is not going to be that perfect. Sometimes i still need to put on my fake mask in certain situation. nahhh, it's normal in life. i'm okay with that. :)

I loss few people i love and gain some. One thing i realize about this relationship thing. I'm tougher when dealing with this kind of stuff. Back then, i was so fragile. I don't know either i'm afraid to even get attach to guys anymore or i'm just tired with all this relationship shits. The feelings of wanting to have another person holding us, be beside us, share even the stupidest things in life is just very warmish you know. Sadly, i don't really have the chance to experience that long enough. I hurt the people who love me and i hurt myself just to be in love with the people i'm not sure either they are willing to do the same for me. This is just me i guess.

last but not least, how's life treating me on 2011. Sometimes i wish i have this time machine that people keep dreaming of. I do regret doing some few things in life that i wish i can go back and fix it. It's impossible. Even i have all the money in the world, i can't even be back in the past for a second. 2011 does not kill me. But it bleeds like hell and incredibly it heals. :')

2012

I'm not sure yet how my 2012 will be. either it's going to be worst or better. For sure i want it to be better. Everyone does right. Like i said earlier, i'm not that kind of girl who like to plan stuff. If things are going to happen , things will happen. I don't actually cares if it change last minute. i believe that it was meant to just flow.

Next semester will be a bit rough on me. With all the big project, graphic stuff, and all the incoming dance practice, i wish i can handle it calmly :') Bismillahirahmanirahim, dengan izin Allah, i want to change to be a better person. I'm not a good daughter and a good girl actually. When i said not good doesn't mean i'm that bad. You know what i mean. I loss a few friends in a car accident. It hits me. Mereka tak sempat bertaubat, still young and they lost their life is just a second. they don't even have the chance to seek forgiveness towards their parents. I have the chance to still breath and live. Why can't i be a good daughter? Just one thing i want to do when i'm still alive. To make the people around me that love me proud of me. That will not only be my 2012 resolution. It will be my life time resolution :)

i want to go for a diving at a beach can i?

Dear you, you were in my heart a long time now. On your birthday was the happiest day of my life. Back before the day we meet, things were hard on me. With all the assignment and pressure, meeting you was the adrenaline of it. I never thought it will end this way. Never. Even how hard we fight, we still end up being happy together in long distance. Being a good friend for each other. You know the truth that i'm hurt holding on to my feelings. The feelings of never give up on you bleeds inside me. Just so you know, you were the greatest guy that i ever fall in love too. And letting you go was the toughest decision i will ever made for us because i never give up on us after we broke up years ago.

For now, i still love you and miss you every time i have this flashback when we were together.

But i guess, it was never worth it fighting for you because you're not willing to sacrifice for me like i did for you.

please take care of yourself. Because if i was still there beside you, i will make you the happiest guy on earth. you were someone special for me, and still are. i even willing to give my life for you so you can still breath and be happy.

Sadly, you never want me to be apart of you. To whoever is going to stay in your heart, please stand strong for him, please make him smile, because his special. You will be the luckiest girl on earth to have him.

take care of him will ya :')

i will be better in time. insyaALLAH.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. ALHAMDULLILAH, I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE TO STILL BREATH SO I CAN CHANGE MYSELF TO BE A BETTER PERSON :')

praying for you guys to change and be a better person too. InsyaALLAH.

tahun ni tragis. Celebrate new year kat library :')

p/s : ‎2011 been through Ups n down,happy moments,bad arguments, experience that made a girl matured,failure,girl meet a boy,that was epic.2012 no new resolution. :) because every year the resolution is just a word - Nadiah Syed Abdullah

Can't be at home for new year

2011-12-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

Spending my last day in Singapore before heading back to UKM tomorrow. I love spend some time alone for myself. It give me space to think. The air was cold and refreshing. Taking a sip of Singapore air just clean my mind for a while. Life is now very hard on me. But i'm thankful to be at home for a while spending some times with my lovely family members :')

Things are slowly going fine. Not fully okay. But i can still hide my tears behind my laugh and smile when i get back on track.

bbye home. hello examination week.

I've tried. But i'm not forcing

2011-12-29T21:43:00.000-08:00

Day 5

If i say i'm getting so much better, it will be a lie. Your face are still running around in my head. I still cry. But the best part of it. I'll stop :') Things at my home kept me busy. Mum ask me to be her driver the whole day. Then on the next day i went to my best friend house for breakfast and just hang out there with their family members, yet in the afternoon me and my little brother when for a swim.

to whoever is holding on to yourself facing heartbreaks. Don't let yourself sitting all alone in the room. Go out. Do something that can let your mind busy. because being miserable and let your mind thinking 'what did i have done wrong' is not going to help.

But still, it's all about hearts and feelings. How far we run away from it, if its already stuck in our mind, if the memories to valuable to get rid or even to fade away, don't force it. I don't :') It's all about how you face it. How you manage to put it in the past, or let it go slowly. I've tried it for years. It come back to me like a magnet. But still, mistakes taught us to be prepare next time they come back.

I'm weak when it comes to you, but when time comes by. Bit by bit i've change to be a different person.

This one night, i pray for a sign.

and guess what, i get it in one morning :')

but i'm confused about it. it's not clear. But i ignored it. Either i'm too tired to face another open scars or i just stand in silent doing nothing because i thought it's something. I take a step back to see either it's just me or we both still have the same feelings in mind. It's just a matter of time. I'm trying, but i won't force myself anymore. Whatever happen after this is just going to happen. It had been stated. I just need to take a step at a time. Learning and keep learning. Because i know when Allah take my happiness away, one happiness awaits me. And if i gain that happiness in future, another happiness of my will be taken away. Life is not easy. And life is not hard either. :)

People will have this feelings of insecurities. insecurities means that you feel things are just not right. You feel lonely and you need someone to hold on to you. Someone that can make you feel better. Someone that can say 'hey, i will be here for you, i won't let you cry alone'. I have this sickness. It's not a disease. It's just a feelings. An emotion. Everyone does. Sometimes having this feelings is not good. Because you will do something out of your mind. You don't think straight while doing it.

For example. you dialed you ex's number, you add them back on the social network after blocking them, you send them a text saying 'imy', or worst 'i want you back'.

Don't do this to yourself beautiful. Because eventually, you will regret it. And it hurts.

if only i have this bodyguard of my own prevent me for doing all this stuff and become miserable.

Future huh? i have a big exam next year that will be coming very soon. Can't wait to meet 2012 and start a new resolution *which i never actually followed every year when i wrote it down and i'm trying to make it work for 2012. and looking forward to be prepared facing the toughest semester next year. Did i say toughest already? yes, the most toughest i repeat.

Say HELL-o to the world. Nurfatin Nadiah is passing by, and she will keep being stronger even how hard life going to bring her down. InsyaALLAH :)

p/s: i know the title of this song on my way back to JB in his car. I enjoy listening to it. i hope you too. Go listen. The beat is kinda retro.

Get me out of here.

2011-12-29T17:49:00.000-08:00

Get out of what?

I can't believe i'm saying this. But please get me out from jb. I need to be in UKM. Not because i don't like being at home. Just so you know, home is just perfect. Singapore was just the holding my leg not letting me go back home. I HAVE TO SIT FOR MY FINAL EXAM IN LESS THAN ONE WEEK MAYBE. and my book is full of dust. untouched.

matilahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

will be back scavenging through my books on Saturday. Immediately my bag touch the room floor. It's all about exams. Nothing is more important than that.

Hypothesis excepted : For me, home is not the best place to be spend for my study week.

I'M DEAD

Day 3

2011-12-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

Getting better. Much better. Sometimes i have this thought about us, about you. Some song shuffle on my mp3 reminds me of you. I'm mentally ill. Physically fine. It's normal in heartbreaks. Even after several years, your face will still haunt me i guess. It's just get less :')

Flashback hurts the most.

we hug, you kiss my head and said you missed me, i said i missed you too.

u kate rambut i bau hangit. :')

At some point, i will cry on my bed, remembering you. Remembering us. But just so you know. i will be better in time. Flashback will hurt me. But its the memories that i choose not to vanquish it. What's life without memories.

The best revenge on people that hurt you is not be miserable about what they had done. But be grateful with what you had left in life. What they had taught you . And what you have become after all that had happen. Tears make you stronger.

p/s: make it till Saturday, I'll stop writing about you. I just need to write. Don't worry. i'll stop eventually.

owh, and btw, i extend my stay in JB and Singapore for a week. I'll be back in UKM on Saturday. Home is the right place for me right now. :')

* duduk rumah makin buat saya malas nak belajar untuk final. harap maklum

Currently addicted to this song. Good night!

:')

2011-12-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

We have our dinner here. The view is so wonderful. I sat down there for a few minutes, cuddle myself up. And let things loose about what had happen to me this few days. I look far deep into the sea. It's so far away. I wish i have the guts to just let myself fall into it and swim freely. Or be a bird and fly happily in the sky. I mean the feelings of doing all that. Freedom, No fears. Heartless.

I guess everyone have problems. Even sea have storms. Sky have rains.

p/s: thanks mum and dad for the wonderful dinner. The view is wonderful. :')

.

2011-12-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks for being a part of my life for years. I never thought that on your birthday was our last conversation that we will ever had. I hold on for you for so long. Too long. I let my heart break again and again just to stay with you. Because i guess, when i never stop fighting for you, you will come back for me. I was wrong.

Sorry 'Heart' for hurting you,

Sorry 'Eyes' for letting you cry so hard,

Sorry 'Brain' For keeping think that the guy is worth fighting.

I know everything that had happen is all my false. I admit it. You were being nice. You were pity at me. You were being a great friend. And i take it the wrong way.

Maybe because i love you too much. But i guess, when the last time i said to you as a joke :

"WE'RE DONE"

we do really done with each other now.

Ya Allah, kau berikanlah die kebahagiaan dunia akhirat,

kau pertemukanlah dia dengan seseorang yang membolehkan dia bahagia didunia dan diakhirat.

I just want him to be happy. Please show him the right path :')

watch me, i will be okay.you know it right?

thanks mum and dad. For still excepting me in your life.

thank you friends for being there for me .

You've move on a long time ago. Now it's my turn. :')

2012 is coming. One think that i'm assure of. Your not going to make in my list anymore.

Kesilapan memberi kita pengajaran. Life must go on. I'm a big girl now. If life hit me hard, i will not run. I'll face it.

Just one night.

2011-12-24T18:36:00.000-08:00

It was fast. just a blink of an eye. you were there in front of me. Smiling, laughing, fighting which each other, holding hands, everything was perfect. But deep inside my heart, i already know that this is just a temporary feelings. All i ever imagine what will happen when we met actually happens. One by one the word slip out from our mouth. Every conversation , every gesture, every single thought that run inside my head physically and mentally just flowing. I mean, we were there for each other. I think that's enough. Me, you, the night, the ride. :')

If only i can sit beside you much longer,

If only we can actually be there for each other much longer,

If only the tears that you see really hit you hard,

If only those smile is mine forever,

If only i can have you all by myself,

If only i can be your last choice in life,

If only.......

I want things to fall apart perfectly for us. If we don't end up together, i want to be happy for you and with whoever you are with. But still, I told you, i still want us to happen. We just afraid of commitment. Life taught us a lot right syg? I don't have a single image of us being together in future, Because the girl that i imagine will be with you for the rest of your life are pretty, beautiful, solehah, you know, some girl that really deserve to be called a wife. When i look at myself, it's like i'm not even close.

I look myself as a toy. and it hurtful. Just like i said to you before i board the bus.

Sakit you, sakit.

Life is like a game. You play it, either you win it or loose. Don't be too proud of yourself if you win. There's more level to go that will be tougher. And if you loose, don't give up. There's always the reset button.

(Fatin Nadiah,2011)

Happy birthday, ily :')

I survive the first toughest weeks for this semester.

2011-12-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

THE CRIME SCENE

dah saat-saat getir macam ni, memang lantai tu meja, lantai tu katil, lantai tu meja makan, katil tu tempat sidai baju, meja belajar tu dah tak macam tempat belajar, lebih kurang hidup hura-hara dibuatnya -.-"

Waktu kelas tido, waktu tido buat assignment, pergi kelas macam mayat hidup.

inilah lumrah pelajar universiti :')

*kesat-kesat air mata, Finished all of zee one whole semester of assignment.
ALHAMDULLILAH.

balik exam nanti aku nak seret diri aku naik katil. Hibernate

owh and exam is crawling behind my back, haunting me like a freaking ghost.

If only you want to fight for me.

2011-12-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

To be with you is on my do list right now. It's just things were getting better between us. But sometimes i'm just confused. Either to take this feelings seriously or just let it flow. I'm a typical girl who plans everything in future. But you're so the other side of me. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing letting myself to you. I want to be happy/ Surely said that this is not the right way. I realize about that. It's just hurt to be me right now. So hurt.

can;t you just be a bit sweet towards me. i'm not okay when it comes to hearts and feelings for now.

night :')

I want to make them proud :)

2011-12-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

One week before my final start. time is killing me.

Ayah text me when his was otw to Shah Alam. He asked me if i still have pocket money. I said yes. But at that time i was so sad because when i asked ayah to come visit me in UKM he said he can't. It's because he went to Shah Alam with his police friends. So his kinda stuck with their schedule on that day. :(

Immediately after he arrived in JB later the afternoon he text me :

Akk, ayah dah masuk duit belanja. Belajar rajin-rajin ye!

I'm touched and immediately my tears shed away.

Sedih bila kenangkan diri yang jauh dengan family, otak dah over loaded dengan assignment and presentation, not to forget all the meetings and project. All i need is to be surround by my families. Nothing more. Just their love.

i will make you proud , hold my words. The scroll of degree that i will get 2 years from now it's not for me, but it's for you guys. <3

You're just not worth the fight anymore.

2011-12-15T09:53:00.001-08:00

I know the feelings that we have it's nothing. I'm hurt. And your happy with the people your in love with. The happiness that i feel when i'm with you it's just temporary. I already know that since the first day i fall in love deeply with you. It's a big mistake. Big one that i wish somehow i wish that i can go back in the past and erase back the memories of the first time i fall for you. I thought it will be much easier, but eventually things are not happening just like what we've plan. Plans just failed. Heart just broke. And nothing i can do to stop everything that is happening. All i can say is;

Meeting you and loving you was a big mistake in my life for now. I wish i can cut the memories of us being together in my brain and put it inside a box.

Nangis air mata darah sekali pun tak guna. Menyayangi kau adalah satu penyakit. Kau adalah ubatnya. Time will heals. But this sickness is already reach to it's critical level. I don't know what will happen at me in the future. Either i end up being a zombie. I'm still human. But heartless. Painless. *kebal. Or i can let it go, cry for like month, and eventually get better. Fall a lot of time again and again for the same reason, but sooner or later i will get better. I hate when my life starts to get up side down. Because i'm not wise in making decision.

What's wrong with her? can't you just hurt me and get over me.

Because you're giving me heartache a long the way of loving her.

just so you know, i'm not that type of girl that easily give up on something. I guess our feelings is just limit inside the fairy tales of ours.

Nor Qistina Bte Abd Nasir

2011-12-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

Thank you lemau :')

Say What?!

2011-12-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

If you're going to continue your study in UKM. Think again.

I thought after paying Almost RM1500 for fees is enough. Not arguing anymore about the raising.

Suddenly out of nowhere, another RM 170 that need to pay before i can actually register my next semester class? -.-" This is f-ing shiting on me.

I don't actually mind paying it, especially it's for education. But please, what did you guys really did with the money?

MAKAN DUIT PELAJAR KE?

say what? untuk aktiviti Kolej?
Peruntukan untuk projek kolej pon sikit dapat. Kalau mintak mesti dapat lagi rendah dari apa yang dimintak.
Sorang dah bayar 170. Satu kolej dah beratus student. Mana pergi duit kitaorang?

nak tak nak memang kene bayar lah. Kalau tak bayar memang tak belajar lah nampaknya.

What can i do, i'm just a small leave on a big strong tree. Tak ada kuasa.

ibu,ayah. I'll make sure every penny that you pay for my education will be worth it in future :')

I know no one miss me :D

2011-12-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

So hello my dear lovers out there. I know it's been a while i haven't updated my blog as i used to update before. Nak kata busy pon ye, nak kata free pon ye. Maybe the answer is i never used my free time wisely. all i ever do in my room is sleep. And when i eventually have free time i still love too lay around on my bed doing nothing. My assignment are like mount Everest. Then i nag about how hard the assignment was. But actually i didn't actually understand what i need to do -.-" I wish i can just googled the answer as btw i did. But it's not that easy you know. I thought life would be easier if we take it slowly or relax. But life was never to be meant that way. Life is hard. I will usually said that 'i wish life should be more easier' but eventually nothing in this world is easy. Trust me, if you're on top of the world right now, don't feel comfortable. One day you will fall hard. By then you will start to realize that all small thing in life is actually important.

wakes up, go to class, have lunch, sleep, meetings, assignment, sleep

and i'm doing it over and over again for the past 14 years of my life. Until when?

I'm copping myself with some few situation. Personal to be exact. It's great to see people get back together after a big fight, after a small breakups, just anything that relate to relationship. I envy toward the people who actually found their another half. I never figure out why i can make myself loose about it. Sometimes i know i take things to seriously until they feel not comfortable around me. It's just me you know. My natural. I wish i can be mad towards people who just can't except me for who i am, but they have the right to judge other peoples life because they have ears and eyes. Not to forget, heart. Let them talk, let them say whatever they want to say. I don't give a hell about it anymore. I'm a forgiver.

Dengan kata lain, dah penat nak fikir, dah redha

Kalau ada, adalah. Tak ada nak buat takpe.

One month before final. I just can't wait to finish all for this semester and start fresh for another one.

Sumpah tak boleh bayankan keadaan diri untuk sem depan. -.-"

Sincerity in friendship

Aku tak mintak simpati mahupun belas kasihan,

Aku tak mintak kebahagiaan mahupun kegembiraan,

Aku tak mintak kau mahukan aku, tapi terimalah apa yang ada padaku,

Aku bukan manusia sempurna, Aku mempunyai sikap yang mungkin engkau tidak gemar,

Jika engkau tidak sedar, mungkin engkau perlu tahu yang engkau ada kelemahan seperti ku,

Tapi mungkin kau sedang berada dipuncak, masih tidak pernah rasa apa yang aku rasa,

Mungkin aku salah. Tapi mungkin aku penat,

Bagilah ruang untuk diterima.

Bukan susah, aku cuma mahukan kejujuran.

In this world, i just believe that the only way you can survive is just faking that everything is okay.

But the reality is, everything just suck.

thanks for being there for me through ups and down :')

My hearts is yours.

2011-12-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

Dimata kau aku bukan siapa-siapa. Tapi Allah jadikan aku seorang sahaja dalam dunia. If you can't except me, it's okay. Just so you know, i have hearts, like a normal girls. I stop crying because i'm starting to give up on you. But still, before and maybe until forever, my hearts is yours. Aku bodoh, aku tahu. Tapi hati manusia kan. nipis mcm kulit bawang. fragile.

penat menunggu, tapi tak apa. masih mahu menunggu

Pelajar UKM mati lemas dalam timbunan kertas assignment

2011-12-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

Tragik kan tajuk die. -.-"

Thanks for being my friend :')

2011-12-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

thanks you for the awesome Saturday :')

I hold my breath when i saw this

2011-12-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

-.-" *padam semua perasaan perasan tu okay

I'm forcing myself, but i'm fine :)

2011-12-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

I'm just out of words to actually tell how's my life being for the past few weeks. But one thing that i'm assure of. I spend a lot of my time watching Gossip Girl more than i sleep in a day. Seriously, they're addictive -.-". It's like drug, my life is not even complete without watching it. haha. Funny to say that i'm mumbling to myself that i need more time for my study that i didn't realize i finish most of them watching Gossip Girl. I know it's a waste. All the time that i can actually use to finish my assignment and focus on my upcoming final exam.

THIS IS THE CUTEST COUPLE OF ALL. their behavior are so annoying and cute at the same time :)

How i wish my life were like them. Adventurous but minus the sex life of course -.-"

hahaha. I know eating will make you fat. It's been like a month i guess i never weight my body. The last time is with Syed. And it piss me off! hallo, angka 6 kot. But still, i'm not fat, i'm just heavy. Too heavy. But my old classmate said that i'm thin :D awesome right. It makes me feel good actually to know the truth that even i eat a lot, people still called me kurus. Maybe because i'm so having this big impact about my assignment and classes. It had been a very stressful month you know. Regarding that there is only one month left for me before i actually finish my 3rd semester :) EAT EAT EAT. eating just make me feel better.

People have problems, so do i. Eventually all i want to spill out here is about how much hatred i have inside of me towards my own life. It's not that bad actually, maybe it's about the environment i'm in. The people around me that love to judge and make their own assumption. The different behavior that i really tried to understand. The fake smile and happy face that i make just to cover the heartache i'm going true. To actually make a differences between a good friend or a friend with benefit. Or it's just me. People just think, people just assume. I do things that's hurting myself, my heart just to be happy for others. Or maybe responsibility. I don't know, i hate the person that i be right now.

Not thinking straight when doing something. Too stressful about something. Push things too hard on myself. And sometimes i just make things worst not even close to make me feel a bit better. I force myself to be in trouble, to be happy, and at the same time i guess i make people don't feel comfortable with me.

I'm not in a zone of desperation. *maybe a little but not that desperate. I guess being a student, with tones of assignment, works, classes, jobs and all sort of activities just make me wanna feel fine. I mean, someone can just be there for me. At least a text saying 'i wish your going to be fine, i know it had been a very rough week for you, i just want you to know that i will always be there' See, i'm writing notes for myself. Maybe sound a bit pathetic but i want this to happen to me. People start to care, been shower by sweet texts and fake goodnight kiss on phone. I miss all this. I miss being in a relationship. But at this point, i don't think it's the right time to actually think about it. Not because i don't want to. It's because i'm tired with all the lies and fake feeling that i used to make few years back. when i was in a relationship. I thought it will be my last relationship before i settle down with my life, but i guess i was wrong. I have a lot more about life that i really need to learn.

I'm having a crush. maybe too much crush i guess -.-"

about my old love that i can't eventually let go. it's making my heart burn into pieces. I pick it up and put it back together i guess. and still waiting for it to get burn again and again. I know i make a dumb of myself for you. But my heart says 'it's okay, i can still bare the pain'

hey baby, thanks for sticking out with me all this years. I know that we can't spend time for each other. One thing i knew, when we are together, just death can tear us apart. imy :')

playing around together at the wedding was the most memorable day i have in November. tq

So hello December. It's kinda fast reaching December already don;t you think? It's like i was just celebrating my 20th birthday yesterday :') I'm still searching for a piece of me that is lost inside my head right now. I mean, i'm getting older, but it seems like nothing is right. The piece of happiness is still not there for me. I want to be okay about it. InsyaALLAH, panjang umur, i will change my life bit by bit. Another one semester before i finish my 2nd year study as an accounting student. And it's freaking hard! tak pe. Belajar memang susah. One month before final and working is piling up on my head. Wait for the 4th semester, i just don't want to be the person who will be send to Tanjung Rambutan -.-". So December, BE NICE. PLEASE!

good day everyone. :) till then.

Maybe

2011-11-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

Maybe the way i treated him is the same way you've treated me now,

Maybe my feelings for him, just like your feelings for me,

Maybe i don't want to loose him and i want him to still be there for me is what how you want me to be there for you,

Maybe the reason that i told him about me not agree with commitment is the same reason you gave to me,

I've texted you yesterday that i miss you before going to bed, surprisingly, he texted me today saying that he miss me,

Maybe this feeling that i'm having is just the same that he have right now.

The feeling of ignoring that i have towards him is how you feel towards me.

I know maybe some people that's actually reading this doesn't understand what's i'm talking about. But inside above heart note, there's 3 person in it.

I guess we're in a circle. getting hurt and hurting other people. at some point, one of us need to end this.

I have loved you for a thousand years

2011-11-21T23:36:00.000-08:00

One think i would shout in my head every time i crawl back to you

I SAID SO BEFORE AGAIN AND AGAIN. I JUST CAN'T LET YOU GO, NOT EVEN CLOSE TO HATE YOU

I don't know to start, who to tell. Because i know people won't understand. Maybe a friend will say "i understand how you feel, why you did that toward your life". But truly i believe that no one in this world can feel how i feel for you. Your being nice, being sweet, and i feel that i'm the happiest girl on earth when you say it's fun to have me around again, even through phone. One day without your text it's like thousand years. It's true.Sometimes you text me, i don't reply. But deep in my heart i just want to say that i miss you. No other word i want to sent to you back. It's just i'm afraid if i hurt myself again. Almost 2 years we broke up. I tried to move on, i even tell to the person who love me that i can't even get over you. How cruel am i? You know what, i just don't want to be with any guy just to make them as my rebound towards you. I don't know what's wrong with me when it comes to you, It feels like you make me weak and at the same time you make me the strongest person.

I said to myself "sudahlah fatin tak penat ke tunggu orang yang pernah sakitkan kau banyak kali, kau dah bagun dah sedar yang diri kau okay, bila dia datang, dia tolak kau jatuh, berdarah?"

Mulut cakap penat, tapi hati cakap tak.

I have died everyday waiting for you, Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more :')

* This part of lyric reminds me of you.

CAN'T WAIT FOR THE MOVIE TO BE RELEASED !

should i go and watch it alone :') i feel that i need to spend time for myself.

I thought reality would be a bit nicer to me

2011-11-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Exam finished yesterday. Not to be proud about anything that i had done on that piece of paper in the exam hall. Especially the last paper. Lebih kurang more than half question kene hentam -.-" Not because i don't study, maybe, but that subject is freaking hard. maybe mum's right *kau tak belajar, kalau belajar boleh buat. Enough said about mid term exam. Now at least i can have all the free time to actually not focusing on exploding my head. Not to say that things is getting better, i guess, when all my time are packed with exams, all i can ever think is books, notes, examinations. It's good because i have no time to think about my personal problem. :')

psst psst : nak cakap thank you kat ini budak cantik sebab bagi tumpang study kat bilik die seminggu :')

nanti aku bayar duit, sabun mandi, ubat gigi yang aku guna semua *sorry tido berdengkur -.-"

MID TERM EXAMINATION - DONE

MAGAZINE, SNIPERS, DANCING, ASSIGNMENTS, PRESENTATION, TUTORIALS, FINALS - PFFT -.-"

as you can see on my check list above. even thou i finished my exam. there are still a lot of stuff chasing me around . My room looks better again. If only i have the guts to upload how my room look for the past 2 weeks *malu wey jadi anak dara -.-" I guess i need to have the mindset that i need to do the above as my responsible as a student. I'm going to take it slowly and not pushing myself to hard on something.

I don't know, lately i'm feeling that things are arranging itself to it's place again. Slowly like a snail.But my hearts just not in a state of peace. I know why. I just need time to fix myself. I'm not sick or anything, i just don't feel quite well with my body, and some few people around me. I just don't know either it's my head playing around with my emotions or it's just the people behave differently lately * tanda-tanda pms kot -.-"

I WANT THIS FREAKING JACKET PLEASE?

2011-11-18T18:47:00.000-08:00

can someone give this to me on my birthday please? *pretty please

Pagi-pagi banyak taik mata

2011-11-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

GOOD MORNING! nothing much to say actually. And i like to admit that my tittle for this blog is kinda disgusting :D

No pictures to show how awesome is it yesterday. Guess what happen yesterday!!!!!!

my awesome friend make a surprise party for me.
p/s: Abg half fish, nak gamba boleh? *kenyit mata

Terharu yang tak terkata hati ini tahu. Faham tak perasaan bila kita dikelilingi dengan orang-orang kita sayang, gelak tawa, gurau senda, suasana yang sangat tak terkata indah bagi aku. Dah nama pun kawan-kawan, kalau tak ada mereka sapelah aku kat UKM ni. Sape nak g kelas dengan aku tiap-tiap hari? Sape nak study dgn aku kalau aku tak faham, Sape nak buat kerja dgn aku? Sape nak kongsi cerita dgn aku? It's not a life if you don't have friends in the world. Don't even dare to say no one like to be friend with you people. It's bullshit. You must have the guts to be in a relationship. Friendship :') Rugi kalau kau hidup dekat dunia tak kenal erti persahabatan. Sebab merekalah yang akan sentiasa ada dalam hidup kau, insyaALLAH terima kau seadanya. Don't judge people by their past mistake. Take them for who they are. It's call friendship and there are no qualification to be a friend. And i am grateful to have friends like them in my life. :')

Ya Allah, kau kekalkan lah persahabatan ini dunia akhirat. <3

Sesak Nafas

2011-11-17T08:35:00.000-08:00

Tak ada sapa nak rindu pown kalau tak update kan :D

SO HELLO EARTHLINGS! how are you? i hope everything is okay? some of you just starting to be in the new semester, some still having an awesome holiday at home right?

or some maybe end up like me, having the worst week of the student history. EXAM -.-" maybe i make it sound scary, but exam is good actually. It gives student the high blood pressure. is it good? FOR SURE IT'S NOT.

4 paper for this mid term exam. I've already sit for 2 paper. One paper for tomorrow and the last one is on Sunday. How awful is it to sit for an exam on Sunday -.-" But nothing i can do actually. All i can do is to just study and sit for that freaking stressful exam. Especially on the Sunday exam. The most vicious paper of all.

go goggle FRS. the first thing that came out from it is the answer. Learn it then teach me. Will ya?

it's kind a stressful week for me and all my friends here in UKM.
betahan we wahai kawan-kawan. Ni lah lumrah hidup jadi pelajar. Tak kan boleh lari dari exam.

Sorry for running away from you, sorry for not letting you be close to me, sorry ignoring you after our last meet. I need time to settle down. I need space. I need air. I want you to know that i miss you too. But i just can't let myself close to you for now. Maybe not only you, but everyone.

Just downloaded this song. I think it's cool. Listen to it :)

One whole week

2011-11-13T23:44:00.000-08:00

rendam semua nota , buat minum agak-agaknya boleh dapat A tak? -.-"

p/s: i eat more than i study.

.

2011-11-10T17:21:00.000-08:00

The heavier the burdens placed on you by Allah, the more strength He will give you to carry them ♥

i cry, i hug myself so tight, all the bad things happen just flashback in my head and it makes me cry harder.

life that involve study, family, friends, crisis and all it just hit me hard in the head. And this quotes remind me that this is all the plan that ALLAH lays for me. He knows better what will happen next to me. He will never hurt his umat. All i know is if we never give up on our self, if we hold our heart and be strong, have the faith in our self that we can do it. InsyaALLAH Allah will be the to help us. to help me :')

It maybe sound awkward, but i can't wait to be back in UKM.

Sahabat Dunia Akhirat

2011-11-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

Aku ingat jodoh kita as kawan tak panjang. Lepas kau blah sambung sekolah sains aku rasa kau bukan kawan aku.Maksud aku, kawan touch and go lah. But i was wrong. Ntah mcmana kita terus jadi kawan sampai mati. Kira aku boleh cerita kat kau apa je. Yup, apa sahaja. Kira kau kawan dunia akhirat aku tau. Aku nak ada untuk kau mcm kau ada untuk aku. Aku nak kau bahagia mcmana kau nak aku bahagia. Aku nak buli kau mcmana kau buli aku tiap-tiap kali jumpa. Busy mcmana pown kau, at least sebulan sekali mesti kau call. Kalau masing-masing balik cuti mesti lepak sama. Kau susahkan diri kau untuk aku. Terharu *nangis kejap :')

Thanks for being there for me. For lending me your ears so i can talk and keep talking all day long about how horrible my life is. For taking good care of me and my heart. Even we don't always have the time to spend together, at least we enjoy making fun of each other every time we meet. Terima kasih sebab sudi jadi kawan aku dunia akhirat. :)

sebab kau aku dah tahu berat badan aku lepas beberapa bulan aku tak nak timbang. Down self esteem aku kau tahu -.-" elok2 tak nak fikir pasal berat badan, ni dah plan balik mcmana nak turunkan berat badan dah. Orang tegur aku berisi, alasannya aku bahagia. 'bahagia' part mana tuh? -.-" bukan bahagia, ni dah stress sgt. that's the reason i'm getting bigger. I eat without warning. Sumbat je. asal kenyang. After exam i promise to change my eating disorder :) *maybe?

p/s: Sabtu dah balik UKM. excited nak naik ketapi *train dgn cik lai :D weeee

Tarik nafas panjang

2011-11-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

i'm listening a cover from this couple. They sang the song need you now. When we broke up few years back, this song makes me felt worst everyday of my life. When i hear this song, your face is in my mind, shy to admit, i cry. nahhh, i cry a lot. especially when it comes to relationship, friends, family. LIFE . I'm suck when it comes to hide my feelings. I guess my closes friend feel tired when i tried to tell them about my problems. InsyaALLAH, i'll try to change about it. I realize i make a huge mistake in my life. I just don't mind letting those pain haunt me. It's my attitude. and maybe for certain people, they will have this mind set saying it's not a good habit my dear. am i right? It's just me. I want to get rid of this attitude. i want to change, to be a different people. kadang-kadang bual kosong je aku ni. Pray for the best okay :')

It had been thousand time i said about giving up. Ntah lah. Hati aku ni degil agaknya. tak reti nak rasa sakit. Sakit yang ada, ditambah lagi. Tapi tak pernah nak putus asa. Rasa mcm nak amik hati ni campak kat dalam hutan. -.-" *i'm so freaking heartless right now. He explain, again and again. But the explanation like nothing for me. Masuk inbox lepas tu kene delete. tak nak simpan sebab buat sakit hati. tapi lama-lama benda tu dah melekat kat kepala. nak tak nak kene terima. Sakit mcmana pown kene telan. It just stick inside my head. Every single sentence that you said, it's like stuck completely, plus permanently stick using staple gun inside my brain *imagine that. Every time things remind me of you, the second thought will be what you said to me about you heart and feeling towards me. Suck isn't it. It sound like i'm so pathetic. I know i am. But everyone does. in their own ways and story of life.

kadang-kadang aku nak cakap. ' Hati, cukuplah, tak sakit ke? luka tu tak kering lagi, tak kan nak biarkan dia berdarah' Hati pun menjawab ' Biarlah , selagi kuat, selagi mampu tahan, selagi perasaan tu tak mati, aku tahan'.

stuff that haunts me for now :

Exam lahhhh. penat bebel tahu kat facebook, kat twitter pasal exam mid term. Baru mid term, belum final -.-"
Assignment lahhhh. Dah penat bebel jugak. Even it's not that hard, but to start doing it it's hard. It's not hard to be exact, malas namanya. pfft. Malas ni dah berinci2
Tiap2 malam mesti tido dgn kertas atas katil lepas ni. True story.
Macam nak culik je kereta kat umah bawak balik kl. Mum's plan to actually buy me a car is just like a dream i guess. Kereta kat jb ni penat dah rasa aku bawak ke hulu kehilir.
Money crisis. Asyik mintak parents duit je everytime nak guna. Padahal kat ATM ader je duit. Hopefully duit boleh turun dari langi. *haha, funny joke i guess. do you laugh? I DO NOT.
Tak sabar nak ada stable life balik. enough said.
Badan rasa dah makin mengembang. And weight issue is not a big problem for me anymore. Lantak lah badan nak mengembang mcm belon sekali pown. Tak ada masa nak fikir pasal diet dah. Lapas je makan. -.-" ohmayyy
me birthday. okaybye

.

2011-11-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

I even bought a shirt for our date you know :')

will you ask me out ?

Tears help wash it away

2011-11-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

i smile, but at the same time my heart is drowning in tears.

But i guess it helps me feel much better. :')

IMY, enough said

Aku kuat, aku tahu aku kuat. Kalau aku tak kuat dah lama dah aku buat benda bodoh. Sebab aku tahu kawan-kawan aku sayang aku. Keluarga aku masih kesah pasal aku. Aku rasa tak perlulah aku nak bersedih sangat hidup tak ada teman. Tak apalah. I act normal, even I'm not okay with what is happening between us, I just want to smile and live my life. Even how hard it is. Kau ada, aku bahagia, aku gembira, kau tak ada aku tak cari. Biarlah perasaan tu datang dan pergi untuk kau, yang aku tahu perasaan tu ada je untuk aku.

Aku sabar, sebab aku sayang :')

Congratulation Aminian's

2011-11-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

I know i'm not even a part of the SUKEM. tak join any games pon. But at least i came down for few event to show some support. Sayang kolej punya pasal datang jugak tau :') Ye lah, i can't actually be an athlete or anything, not even close to be the crew. So jadi penyokong tepi padang pun dah kira bagus tau :)

But i guess, all that matter is the moment. Being a part of the victory feel good. Smell sweet :')

Congratulation Aminian's. 2nd place is awesome okay. Tahun depan rampas balik kejuaraan tu. InsyaALLAH.

en DIVA kita turun padang.

sebenarnya nak cakap yang saya rindu Nazrul Izzat. okbye :'D

We try our luck next year okay you guys.

p/s: tak semeriah tahun lepas. terkilan sikit :')

There it goes again

2011-11-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

See, i told ya. Eventually he will be still there in my life. At first i thought at some point, you'll give it up. 40 % of my heart said 'for sure'. But the remain said 'eventually he will appear back in your life'. It takes only days for me to realize again that i will never get over him. Never . I even Tumblr one of my ex classmate about it. She's a good adviser i can say :')

terngiang kata-kata dia dalam kotak fikiran

Mungkin sebenarnya,awak rasa takut kalau awak continue,dia buat awak lagi kan ?

terima kasih Cik Namie Latif :')

He said the same. Takut. Phobia maybe?

I admit it was my mistake even it's his. I put all the blame on me just to make sure thing we're okay between us. Bila dengan kau, aku rasa akulah manusia paling lemah dalam dunia kau tau.

solat itu tiang agama. kalau kita x tunaikan solat,kita x cintakan Allah. kalau kita x cintakan Allah,mcm mana kita mampu untuk mencintai org lain? - Siti Kahirunnisa

I guess all i need is to prepare myself to accept what is happening in my life right now.

Bak kata Namie

So,think wisely. Choose wisely,and remember.

Everything happens for a reason. Always,there’s a reason.

And all those reasons, are god’s lessons.

Ingat tak ?

Hidup ni,kalau manusia tu tak beri awak kebahagiaan,dia beri awak pengajaran. :’)

2.43 a.m , 3th November 2011

Happy Birthday Sayang :)

2011-10-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

*tepuk-tepuk tangan. Selamat Hari Jadi Sayang.

in advance lah bebeh. Sorry for the early celebration. Masing-masing jadual pack. Ni pun last min plan. Actually aku dah draft inbox nak send kat bdk2 ni, nampaknya mereka lagi cekap.

So dah celebrate awl, ni wish awal lah ye. Balik cuti nanti busy 'study' kan mal. takut tak ada masa nak online. 'ye ke' hahaha

Semoga panjang umur, Murah rezeki, Diberikan kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat,

Ditenangkan hati, senang ilmu masuk.

Hubungan kau dengan si dia insyaALLAH kekal. aku doakan.

Biar Allah tabahkan lagi hati kau, kuatkan lagi iman kau.

Segala ujian daripada nya kau lalui dengan hati yang kental.

Kau kawan aku, ingat tau. Aku nak kau bahagia, aku nak lihat kau berjaya.

2 tahun lagi ye kawan-kawan :')

InsyaALLAH susah senang bersama.

The real definition of friendship only can be seen with our own eyes. No word can describe it actually.

Thanks for all the awesome memories. Let cherish more and more okay people.

When my heart start to talk

2011-10-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

Every time i wake up, i snuggle into my blanket and have this deep thought about what am i going to do on that day. I end up cleaning myself up, go to class, eventually fall asleep in the evening and do something that involve notes and all until the next morning. The same thing again and again. The same routine. When i text my friend about it, i told them that i'm so fucked up with life. Not because i don't know what to do, I'm just freaking tired doing the same thing over and over again. I hate letting myself having this moment of silent that makes my mind start to make scenarios. Then sometimes, i think just to kill myself for being to bored. Often. I need changes. Good changes. And i don't want the same person to be involving on breaking my hearts.

Changes will be nice don't you think. I guess i just need attention. Well see, dear mr past, if you don't want me to disturb you, just tell me please. Because waiting for you it's just hurting. Yes, you explain to me last few days about why you can't except me and all. But you say you want us to have something, but you didn't finish your confession. You let me hang for a moment. You admit it yourself that you hurt me enough. I was never mad at you, okay it's a lie, but see, i don't want to have the grudge on you. Because to make it clear, I"M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU. Can't we take chances? Can't we take the risk? I want you. I stop letting my heart go because i want you to step forward and bravely said that you want me too. please :'( Don't you see it? Don't hold your heart, because i never did when it comes to you.

every time my phone rings, i wish it will be you

:'(

can't you see, all i ever wanted is to be happy. and i want the person to be you.

I'm tired on saying I'm giving up on you. Because i never will. try living me for a month. Then you come back. I will totally fall again for you. I don't know, your name are just had been permanently there in my heart. You hurt me a lot. The scars is still bleeding and it's still there. People hate me because i never get tired of you. Never get tired being hurt by you. I can't hate you, i just can't. I tried million times, i just can't say no when i comes to you.

All i need right now is the right person. I know there are people who really cares about me right now. Who willing to do anything for me. But sorry people, your not the right person right now, and i don't really have the guts to say it to you. It's just not the right time, and your not the person i really want to be involve right now. I have hearts. I don't believe in trying. I believe in sacrifice, i believe chances, I believe getting hurt is something good, they teach people to be strong. It teach me to be unbeatable.

kau tau, sebab kau aku tak pernah kesah aku tak ada kawan, i know you will be there for me, wish me good morning everyday, call me at night. Every time i have exam, you give me good luck kiss. I want that feeling. Those secure feelings. The promises feelings. I hate being me right now. Because i never assure that i will be happy for myself. being fine is nothing. Being with you is something.

hati aku tawar. kosong. heartless.

ya, aku yang buat diri aku mcm ni.

sekurang-kurangnya aku terus cuba lupakan kau. I'll try. I told you i'll try.

Time out

2011-10-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

I need a lot of time out. i need something to stop making me so tense out about life. I eat a lot. Any other solution? -.-"

i wanna borrow your shoulder and cry. can i? :'(

Rawwr Baby Rawwrr

2011-10-30T23:33:00.000-07:00

Singapore was like usual. Awesome and wonderful.

We went for the most awesome ride in Singapore, Sky ride and Luge. You know what is a Luge?

i just don't know how to explain it. If you went to Sentosa. Go ride this stuff. Coolio baby!

And at night, we all went for a night out here. :)

alahhh, yg singa muntah tu :D

And i end my holiday having a perfect time with them, this three little guy that i love so much :')

miss ya already guys.

My favorite one

Little Ryan, akk miss you already.

Wakey Wakey Sleepy Head

2011-10-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm having my mid semester exam starting tomorrow. Ilmu dalam otak untuk exam next week are around 2% je

-.-" matilah matilah matilah matilah matilah matilah.

I just realize one day all i need in life is something good to actually make me feel better about myself. Kira mcm pendorong semangat lah. I have one i guess, but i just don't see it. To tell the truth, i feel a bit better about myself than before. I mean, i have actually the heart to sit on the table and think about studying. Sikap pemalas ni dah makin menebal, tina dah marah dah hari tu. -.-" sorry babe. Maybe because after a long holiday in Singapore i realize all i need is a time out. Away from all this heartache. I need explanation. and eventually i get the explanation i want. I teach my self to actually control my emotion. and i did. I guess. I don't know, i neglected my feelings just to make myself feel satisfied. I get hurt and it feel good. I don't know, making mistake is something fun i guess. I just hate control everything in my life. All i want to do is get loose with stuff. Let my self fall hard. Heartache is good. It teach me something. Even tough i make the same mistakes, i just think it had made me who i am today. And i'm learning. Not much i guess, but nahh, what is life if we make it a not fun to be in.

I just want to be fine with myself. If my heart is not in a stable condition, i wish i can just go to sleep, and once i wake up, everything is going to be just fine again :) i wish

Owhhmy

2011-10-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

Heyho people. How are you? :) i hope you guys are okay. With life and all?

just so you know, I'm horribly sick. Sick as if i haven't eat a single rice for 3 days, every time i try to eat i end up vomit. My stomach is killing me, my head spins like a tornado, i fall 3 times at my dorm stairs, when i sneeze, blood coming out from my nose. Yup, went to the doctor yesterday and she gave me the usual fever medicine. Panadol, cough syrup, antibiotic , etc . My body temperature is 37.8 *according to the doctor of course. nahhh, I'm sick. And i really need my healthy body to sit for my mid term exam. pfft -.-"

I'm going back home today. To say it's a holiday? sort of. I'm shooting of to Singapore tomorrow to visit my step aunt. Or cousin. I don't know. The relationship is quite complicated to explain. Done with packing, laundry , and i have clean myself up :') freaking hungry. But wth, i just can't wait to be at home right now. I know home is not actually the place i'm looking forward to be right now because i'm having my mid in few weeks. I guess, i'm too stressed out with life, and i need a vacation. To make it perfect, a vacation with my family.

Actually, there's a lot of things i wish to spill it out, but i'm not feeling well, can i continue when i reach home later? :)

Bbye UKM, Hello JB , Hello Singapore.

I miss you

2011-10-22T04:38:00.000-07:00

Dear granny, I'm feeling horrible right now, I cough like a dinosaur. I wrap myself inside my blanket like I'm a tortilla. I wish you were here and put me in bed like you used to do when i'm sick back at home. I wish you can cook awesome food for me.

I just wish you were here mak, can't wait to be home this week and spend some awesome time with you in Singapore.

Your Sick And Awesome Granddaughter , me :')

.

2011-10-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

:')

I wish i can make myself a better person

2011-10-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today was my worst day ever. Or maybe it was this semester? I think everything will be okay. Everything will came out just like what I've planned before the semester start. Studying will be fun because finally i have majoring in the course that I've been dreaming off. I'm now officially a senior, so more jobs for me. Especially for my second semester here. And now, I've decided to join again the UKM magazine crew. At first i was confuse. Either it will be a burden for me to actually do more than the job i already have. Then i see all my senior. How they can still be a part of the team even tough their work are a less and more just like mine. Maybe they have more than me because majority of them are final year student. So what the hell. Let's get bust :) #it's a big risk you may ask.

The problem that i'm having now is all about my study and personal life. I can say that all of us feel that kind of way to right? i mean, study crisis, if you're in a relationship thingy? or maybe with friends?. We just can't run away from problems can't we? I just wish that by only sleeping, all my problems can go away by it self. And it's freaking nonsense i guess. tak salah an berharap. I've tried, and i end up having this freaking headache. I'm now an accounting student, to all my juniors, if you have the tend to major in this subject, really think deep about it. Think more than twice. Maybe million times. -.-" susah dikkk susahhh. I have problems on my study. I always have it. But this time is the worst i ever experience. I guess it's my problem not to take my study serious actually. ye lahhhhh, mana tak, tutor malas gila babi nak buat. haaaa. pfft -.-" Mid term is just around the corner, I'm visiting my cousin in Singapore next week, holiday + exam = TAK BELAJAR LAH JAWABNYA. When i;m in my room, the only thing that i can do is sleeping. Even i kept my laundry to dry itself inside my laundry bag. How pathetic -.-" Sikap pemalas ni dah terlebih tebal dari luar biasa. I need to change. I need to be a better person do i can produce good things in life. I've change. I don't really know if the changes is good for me or bad. All i know is , i makes me feeling so lazy. every time i go to class , i feel it's like a responsibility . I want to make studying something fun to explore. When i watch a chinese girl actually studying in the class, i said to myself, why i can;t be like her? just like her? my parents would be proud of me, i would get a better grade for myself, i will never skip all my tutor and every time i go to class i will be prepare. WHY I CAN'T BE THAT PERSON?

Amazingly, after today's class, i slept from 3p.m until 8p.m. I don't believe it myself. Then now, i eventually finish my first ever tutor that i really want to be prepare for tomorrow class :') #i finish 1 question out of 4. by myself, and not copying others tutor like i always do. I wish i can finish them all today. See, i just need support and inspiration just to make me feel confident about myself, about my study. Friends start to concern about me. :') terharu

apa pun yg jadi,kena tabah. Semua org ada masa susah dia. Tp apa yg Allah janji,stiap kesusahan ada hikmahnya (': - namielatif.

and thank you to the chines girl from my FRS class, you make me realize something important in life. thank you.

KLCC Outing with Aminian's Sniper

2011-10-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Our first outing with the new Aminian's Sniper people. First of all i want to say, welcome and thanks you for being a part of our family :') #clap clap clap. So as you can see behind of us is one of the Malaysian famous architectural buildings. KLCC. Our first outing or we can say that out introduction outing was held here last Sunday. And alhamdullilah, we get good feedback from the juniors. Compare from the previous event that i ever attend , this was the best outing i ever had. The bonding and relationship had been created form this first outing. I;m glad to still be a part of the team. and insyaALLAH, i want us to stick together, till the ned of our journey in UKM :')

This was our first Aminian's Sniper outing for this semester. Pembukaan dan pengenalan kepada pelajar tahun satu yang menyertai kelab fotografi Kolej Aminuddin Baki. We don't just shoot photos, but we build relationship on the same time. For the bonus, we shoot photos to cherish all our memories together. Because once we get older, when we all look back into these photos, magically, they just stay the same :')

WELCOME TO OUR NEW BABIES FOR AMINIAN'S SNIPER. I wish you guys will stick with us until the end of your year being a UKM students.

p/s: i enjoy myself yesterday. A lot. And i wish you guys did to. ♥

For more pictures, please visit my FB website :)

why is my face look so freaking awkward.

sape suruh buat muka mcm tu lagi. -.-"

p/s: thank you for the awesome time Snipers

Najwa Latif and Hujan

2011-10-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

I went here for a last minute concert. Not actually last minute because when we arrived, Najwa Latif just sang few song and Hujan haven't performed. Overall, i can say it's okay. I guess maybe it's because the publicity is not good. It was held in Dectar. Yup, the enormous hall and on the day of concert, the hall not even half full. But i guess the environment was still awesome with the screaming and singing. Add up to that, i went with my buddy. Amin's people for sure. Good time, good time :)

p/s: I just think it's fair for me to have feelings for others to. I want you to be happy for me just like i do for you. but why we have this misunderstanding moment ? i guess it's just us and our feelings. Nothing can change that.

Thank you for the wonderful time :')

2011-10-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

My wish come true. Thank you love.

Nothing much to say. Thanks for granting my wish, thanks for being so understanding, thanks for making me felt annoyed at you badly today, thanks for holding my handbag when i start ignores you while shopping, thanks for everything. Just everything. I'm sorry because things don't really end up as plan.

p/s: there will be next time. i promise :')

when the time comes, i wish my heart is ready by that time. for now, we know where we stand right buddy :)

Mix and Match

2011-10-12T01:14:00.000-07:00

I saw her picture once in someone blog, sharing about shawl tutorial. So i pass it away. Not planning to really read about her. Then later today, i saw her face again. I can't remember where, but when a person that involve with the world fashion, i'm excited. I REALLY AM. i don't know, lately i feel that people will feel confident about themselves based on what they wear. I love to watch fashionista mix and match the cloth. Even some people think that this mix and match stuff is weird, but for me it's cool. People like me for example, love to see this kind of people dress their self up, and i'm not lying to anyone, i did try myself to be one of them.

Hold on to this person. her name is Dian Pelangi :)

Mereka menutup aurat dalam masa yang sama mereka ber'fashion'

Tak salah bukan? :)

I love to copy their sense of fashion, the way they dress themselves, what type of cloth that they bought, how they fashion it with their shawls of tudung. They look so beautiful and at the same time they follow the islam rules :') I'M IMPRESS.

So this is what i'm doing. I'm stalking them. Not as if i stalk their life or whatsoever. -.-" their sense of fashion. I've been talking about her earlier on my blog.

DIAN PELANGI <----------. please click

I've been sitting on my bed and stalk her blog for like hours, even though i'm so freaking sleepy, in just can't stop looking into her picture. pfft -.-"

she's so pretty , i adore her a lot. :)

She will be my revision how i want to dress up myself from now :')

p/s: I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAVE THE SAME AGE AS ME. -.-" and she's married. pfft

.

2011-10-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

"Hate no one, no matter how much they've wronged you. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. Give much, even if you've been given little. Keep in touch with the ones who have forgotten you, and forgive who has wronged you, and do not stop praying for the best, for those you love."

#Ali bin Abi Talib (RA) Ü

p/s: i will live by this quotes :')

source

haremmmmm

2011-10-10T00:54:00.000-07:00

I need to actually climb a few stairs away from my room to get the internet connection, It's going to rain, and i feel so sleepy. I've plan to actually do a bit studying before have a evening nap. Will i? -.-"

I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS LAZY.

I WISH SOMEONE CAN SLAP MY FACE SO HARD AND WAKE ME UP.

AND SAID THIS TO ME:

KAU JANGAN NAK PEMALAS SANGAT LAH. TUTOR KAU MELAMBAK TERBENGKALAI. KERJA KAU TIDO JE DALAM BILIK, URMM, BILIK KAU X SERUPA BILIK POWN. KERJA KAU TIDO, MAKAN ONLINE. NI INTERNET TAK ADA DALAM BILIK. KALAU ADA BERTAMBAH PEMALAS LAH KAU.

i wish i can slap my own face and say this to myself. -.-"

.

2011-10-10T00:46:00.000-07:00

I'm just not ready to get hurt again by the same person. By you. You were my past and i don't mind for you to come crawling back to me even as friends. I don't feel weird at all because my love for you is sill there. Always there. But I'm not ready to cry over you again an again. Now, i start to miss you badly. Waiting for your text. At least a 'hye' will bring happiness for me. Can you see how bad my feelings for ya?

I hate it that i miss you so much, I hate it that i'm waiting for you to take your move on me even though i know it's impossible, i hate it that i feel so badly wanting for us to spend some time together. Like old times :')

#flashback hurts.

Watching you from a far away distant even though through web cam just already make me the happiest girl on earth. Just imagine how happy i am if you're in front of me :')

I just can't giving up on loving you. What i am now is all because of you.

Ya ALLAH, kau tabahkanlah hati ku agar aku dapat terus hidup dengan cahaya hidayahmu. Tabahkanlah hati ku agar aku masih kuat untuk memperbaiki diriku dan menjadi umat yang lebih baik. :')

Hearts and Feelings

2011-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

I've been neglecting my heart when it comes to heart and feeling. I'm heartless. I guess. I get involve in risky situation. I fake my feelings just to make other heart better. I don't know, watching the people i love smile and happy just bring joy to me. Sometimes, faking hurts. But i guess in the end it's worth it.

But you left me speechless. Do you still have hearts for me, or just your being nice?

At some point

2011-10-08T19:33:00.001-07:00

Do you ever heard about people willing to do just to get attention? the feeling of having all the people around you and start to talk about you. There is two side of it. The good attention and the bad attention. A friend once said to me. ' kalau kau buat benda balik, orang tak nampak, tapi bila kau buat benda jahat, orang lihat, orang bercakap, dan orang pertikaikan'.

I hate that kind of attention. I wish i can just have the guts to say it to your face. You like to change other people attitude, but do you know people talk about you to? you create story about others, and others create story about you.

hati kita lg penting

tp jgn smpai ade 'penyakit hati'

sbb 2 kne sll muhasabah dri

klu rse down..hnya mmpu nngs

lepas 2 pk balik..muhasabah balik..

mungkin kite juga salah sebnr nye..

asam garam..rempah ratus + rencah kehidupan manusia

x sll nye ade pelangi

kdg2 hujan turun lebat

I'm praying for things to be good for her :')

Terminal Bersekutu Selatan

2011-10-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

Ever you heard about this terminal? located at Bandar Tasik Selatan. The easiest way for you to go here is by KTM. It was my first time. and like all first timer, they get nervous. Like seriously, i even called my friend and ask her how to buy the ticket. -.-" padahal kaunter punya lah banyak. #sorry cik lai.

I can say that the terminal are so freaking

AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

see the bold and big letters. it shows that it's really awesome. It feels like i'm in airport. seriously. So starting from today, i will only take the bus from BTS to go back to JB :')

and my 3 and a half hour of journey back to JB are awesome. The bus are like the 5 stars bus. can i grade it to 6 stars?

I'm back home in JB right now. and it feel good. i guess home is the best place for therapy :)

if only they can talk

2011-10-06T08:12:00.001-07:00

i wish they can talk. so that i can have someone to share my problem with. aww, to bad i don't really have time to actually have my own pet in the room. i want to. but i just don't want to be a killer by neglecting my pet because of my hectic life. -.-"

p/s: it will be nice to have an animal as a roommate don't you think? :)

.

2011-10-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

I just need someone to come to me and say

'are you okay girl?. Let me be here for you. Don't worry, your not going to be alone tonight'

enough said. i miss being taken care of. that's all.

p/s: i'm going home tomorrow. and i don't know is it a good thing or a bad one.

Promise

2011-10-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

I've been settling down stuff in my life now. Make it real by saying duty and work :')

The extra time i have when i'm in my room, I've spend it by hibernating. Hardcore hibernating. -.-"

Sometimes i plan to wake up early or staying up a bit late do settle my assignment and all. but damn laptop, I've spend my time wasting it on stalking peoples life. pfft. Maybe i'm not used to be sitting alone in my room with no roommates and all. No influence to actually open my book and start seriously studying. The condition of my room is a lot better lately because I've settle handling the kebudayaan stuff :') fhewwwwww. #long one. So i'm not going to sleep late from now. will i? -.-" For now, kebudayaan thingy are done. FOR NOW.

So that is, quick update about what is happening around me. I know is not that much, but i wish to just spill it out for you guys that have been stay strong for me :')

Now, i make a lot of love for new people in my life. i might loss a few, but i gain back a lot than i expected. zankk youuuu :')

.

2011-09-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

Kau marahkan sebab orang salah cakap kau buat sesuatu yang salah padahal kau tak buat pown kan?

itulah perasaan aku bila kau tuduh aku buat sesuatu yang aku tak pernah terlintas pun nak buat.

people know, people see, and people judge.

Congratulation kakak

2011-09-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

:')

Congratulation love

Graduation

2011-09-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be a very memorable day for FEP student. Not for me, but all my FEP seniors. Especially Kak Sherah :')

SHE'S GOING TO GRADUATE FROM UKM TOMORROW.

and actually start being a working adult.

So congratulation to her, and also to all the senior that will be or already grad this year. Wish you all the best of luck in the real world. imy so much and i wish that i can meet you tomorrow.

we will be grading together right guys?
insyaALLAH, 2 years from now :')

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

2011-09-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

tiup-tiup habuk kat blog sikit. #fuhh fuhhh

If you asking me how am i doing. to actually tell the truth is, i'm not okay. but i always want to be okay. Even the situation around me is like killing me. But what the hell. I rather not let the feeling of sickness control me. People said, if you set your mind positive, you will feel much better. How worst your situation is, time will heal those pain and those sick stuff controlling your head will not literally eat your brain slowly.

So hye people, how are you and your life? i guess maybe some of you are not having a good days like mine huh? #high five. I've been busy settling stuff around me. Or we can call jobs. Or maybe duty sounds better. I've been neglecting few jobs to focus on this one event. Hari raya musical theater. It' sort of a competition. Sorry to the redaksi crew, sniper crew, and also i'm really sorry mr books and mrs notes. The worst part is, when i come into my room, i feel like it's not even a room anymore. Just imagine that -.-"

there's a lot of story i wish to share with you people and also ask advise or anything. even support will be nice :') I will start to share more stuff sooner or later, and wish the time just move a bit slower so i can catch up with you guys back. life are still a hectic place for me to be in. Trying to fit in around with people around me. Take care of my own heart more than before. Staying strong with what is happening at me. And eventually have fun and enjoying things that is coming towards me, or maybe me myself search for that happiness. Enjoy life more than just pushing my heart around with stuff that's not going to make my head feel good.

Tears doesn't show people that we are weak or scared, sometimes, tears show that we are actually strong enough to stand on our own feet and uphold our justice.

WISH THE AMINIAN'S THEATER WIN FOR TODAY COMPETITION.

insyaAllah :)

4.55 a.m

2011-09-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

It was fun. 3 of us sit together and share story about each other life. And there you are, making those funny face, being annoying and hilarious.

i just wish it last forever. watching you go away, back to your room is reality, and i guess in the morning, you will never remember what we did last night. Those conversation maybe a small thing to you, but it's something for me. Every time we spend time together is something precious and memorable.

p/s: you send me a text around 5.59 a.m. it touched my heart :')

good night. till me talk again, sooner or later.

will we?

Bawal

2011-09-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

How do i look wearing tudung bawal ? :)

it's been a while. a bit changes would be nice don't you think.

.

2011-09-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

I know eventually this moment will come. The part where we will be not as close as we used to be. The KTM moment. The movie moment. Where we can't sit together at the early morning. Start telling what happen between us the whole day. You start to make me annoy. You make those cute and silly face and make me want to bite you so hard. :'D

trust me, i will miss all of that :')

thanks for being there for me, thank for giving me the chance to be there for you when you're sick, thanks for the advise that you gave to me about my study, my friends, and my family. Just everything that you've done for me.

from the deepest of my heart buah hati. terima kasih.

you know i will miss us right? :')

Arrived safely

2011-09-18T01:15:00.000-07:00

A very long or maybe not to long of weekends, i spend it by eventually go to my cousin wedding back in Melacca. Bringing along Yatty Ismail. Makan banyak sampai cirit birit dibuatnya -.-" Sorry and thank you for being there for me. :'D i have fun. You accompany me to do some shopping for myself, we 'jog' all over mines , from wearing wedges and end up buying facebook and you tube slipers for our self. Then you came to Melacca with me and met my family. It's just something to be remember.

That is how i spend my weekends people :)

p/s: thanks for being a good listener.

.

2011-09-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

cukuplah sayang tu dalam hati je. kan buah hati :')

At some point, giving up is not a bad idea.

2011-09-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

You know what, i try. i did try hard. to be just like you all want me to be. But sometimes, situation change things up. And i'm cursing to myself now # cursinggggggg. Keep doing those same mistake make myself look stupid. Hoping for something that actually not even there. NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BE THERE. Surrounding just sucks. With all those mash up feelings.

About where i really stand. i mean, in this world. as a daughter, as a friend, and as a person in someone life. Sometimes, this stuff just piss me off, and shame on me, i did cry like a baby after that -.-" #girls are emotional okay. and maybe, i'm too sensitive. pfft. But still, being in the state of insecure like this really challenge my emotion. I can't even fight with my own ego. i failed. a lot of time. damn you ego. you're weak.

i guess i just need to be strong for myself. if it's not me, than who will? :')

Annoying people that keep showing they are good enough even they are not. No offense, but people do talk. and i hate when people start to talk bad around my back. So i guess, it's okay for me to judge you back. For what had happen between us, one day i wish you know what's really happening around you. either people just being nice to you or they really like you for who you are.

i miss writing in my blog. i mean, about fun stuff. upload some photos about what i recently do in my life, about my new room. but i guess life are to hectic for me right now. let me clean things up okie dokie.

Works pilling up on my head. i guess this is what life is all about. toddles.

13 years of friendship

2011-09-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

3yeayy us baby. 14 straight years of awesome girlfriend hood.

meet zee awesome tina lemau. hahaha. we both used this lemau as our nickname . just the both of us. #kau mampu?

BILA ORANG TGH JAKUN, X PERNAH SKYPE GUNA I PHONE. NI LAH JADINYA -.-"

still crazily in love with you baby. thanks for the straight 14 years of awesome friendship.

thanks girlfriend.

p/s: sometimes, she's the reason i don't really love being in a relationship. having gf is way awesome than having a bf :'D

Don't change a thing

2011-09-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

I wish i can have one day. Just one day so that i can spend time with you.

thanks for staying strong for me.

i wish you were here

2011-09-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

am i a toy for you? i'm scared now. and you were never there for me

.

2011-09-12T13:19:00.001-07:00

I'm scared. and i can't sleep :'(

Semut dan Stadium

2011-09-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Tadi pergi stadium. Jalan kaki dengan Lan dengan Daus. pot pet pot pet semasa perjalanan, kejap je dah sampai #hujan. Sampai stadium capai bendera. Fokus tgk perbarisan. Sampai kolej amin, cakap dengan Lan nak berdiri, tak jadi #malu. Fokus tengok orang menari. Jap, before tu faqih text, he said ' i want you to be okay, even tough you're not okay ' #touched :') Pas tu bangun nyanyi lagu patriotik. Semangat gila dgn Lan sampai kibarkan bendera hampir masuk mulut orang -.-" #sorry dik. Habes nyanyi, jalan kaki balik dengan Lan, pot pet pot pet sampai amin :) Daus dah hilang. x tau g mana. sekian

Pasal semut. Tgh syok tgk perbarisan, gosok mata ada semut besar -.-" lekat kat bawah mata. #sakit. pandang Lan. ' mata aku bengkak tak '. Lan cakap tak, dia kata aku mata aku manis agaknya .otw balik amin, cakap kat lan,

Esok pagi-pagi aku bertukar jadi semut, ada sesungut, montot aku besar -.-"

kepala dah sakit. kesan kene gigit semut. hey people, I'm Ants girl. pfft.

kbye.

Hope it last forever

2011-09-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

Done with the class schedule. I guess i'm to over reacted with the situation back there. I'm being so hectic just to be in the same class with my course mate.

SETTLED :D

p/s: hope jadual ni kekal lah

if you're in the mood of tension. listen to this song and shake your body, follow the beat while scheduling you class timetable.

if only i can change my heart, stop loving him and start sacrificing my heart to fall in love with you.
and actually repeat the same mistake that i used to do on my last relationship. Take a risk for something not sure in the future. maybe i end up being crush again. NO, i promise to myself that i won't be , not even close to being a heart broken girl. It's fucking pain.

need rest. my class starts at 10 tomorrow. night :)

Enough

2011-09-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

I just want to sit still, just in the corner, hold my leg tight, and cry. just cry.

yeahh, you can say that i'm weak. tears helps me to feel better, and i want to be better.

I don't really know what's wrong with me,maybe i'm too tired, or maybe i'm too hungry,

or there are other reason for this to happen ?

sooner or later, i must learn to really let go.

I'm okay. i just need rest. Maybe a lot of rest, away from all this hectic and insecurities.

i just smile ans shrug :')

2011-09-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

She's beautiful. so beautiful when i first saw her, is like i'm watching an angel.

terdetik dalam hati, Ya Allah, cantiknya ciptaan tuhan.

awk, awak dah dijodohkan dengan seorang hamba Allah yang sangat cantik.

she's perfect for you :')

there's this feeling of pain,

maybe a cut,

a small cut,

it does bleed,

but still, i cover it up with a tissue,

enough to hold it maybe for a while.

it's okay, love suppose to be hurtful i guess,

or we can call it sacrifice.

it was meant to be that way :')

p/s:hari ni semangat sikit nak amik gamba. seronok tgk bdk baru tunjuk peace bila suruh deyorang senyum .

Enjoy living as a UKM student okay :)

Trust

2011-09-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

At some point when you do stuff that you really love, critics are like something positive. Hard works produce awesome final work. And everyday you sleep around 3 and wakes up in the morning feel okay. We have limits, at some point if the work we do is killing us, in the sort of time management, do more than one job, and work rejection is something painful. But yet, if you take it as a positive side, it's something good. If you take it in the other way around? you know what happen next. #for me, i cry.

Trust is need in work, but if the trust and promises is broken. For something good?

and something hurtful happens after that?

the person at first you trust become someone you suspicious?

you can't just blame at the one side, just ask, and we explain. is not that hard right?

for me, it's really unfair for you to take the decision to just support one side, and suddenly you just broke that trust just because you and your commitment towards the other half.

pernah dengar tak bermuka-muka. #lebih kurang lah

Sifat manusia memang begitu. hiduplah dikalangan mereka, kerana merekalah rempah kehidupan yang sebenar.

p/s: i'm just a normal human being, and i judge. just like what you did.

Busy

2011-09-06T03:26:00.000-07:00

I'm back in UKM #if you ever care -.-" I'm came here a week early because of my job. It's a job i can say. Being here is something that i looking forward but i kinda miss those eid moments with my family. You know, where all the duit raya flowing in. The awesome feeling of still getting duit raya even tough you're old enough :D. and the most sick of all, i can't actually visit my relative one day before raya. Just don't ask why. -.-" Okay people. this is just a short post from me before i actually start nagging what i will be doing for these new semester . there will be a lot of stuff to do. Involve books, dancing and photography. gtg, duty calls.

hope you guys having a wonderful Eid

To all degree student, vacation is going to come to the end. Are you ready?

good luck

Duit Raya

2011-09-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

it feel awesome even tough i'm 20 years old and i still get duit raya from people :D and it will be more awesome because i get more than what i expect. look at myself, some people call me akk, even worst, aunty -.-" if only i can wear name tags and put my age on it is appropriate and not weird. But alhamdullilah, rezeki masih murah tahun ni. Thank you to all my aunts and uncles for giving me duit raya. Both from ibu and ayah side. the weird part is, the older people get more than the little one. why? hahaha. budak-budak kecik tak boleh pegang duit besar-besar. nanti hilang.

How will i spend my 2011 raya collection?

new flat
new school bag
new clothing
sony mp3

new hand phone #and i have 3 choice in my head. either blackberry, sony vivas, or i phone. -.-"

save it until another 3 or 4 years. and eventually buy myself a DSLR?

AND I'M CONFUSE NOW. seriously, i don't really know how to spend my money on what? if i have all the money in the world, i want all the above.

-.-" mcmana ni.

.

2011-09-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

Don't you ever have the this feeling when you really want that person so badly, they were never there for you. But there's other people care about those pain and heartache. That could willing to text you like 24/7 and calls you every minute just to make sure that you are okay. But still, inside your mind, you feel so alone and you want to cry like a baby on your bed, holding you phone, searching number that you might think can make you feel better. In you phone book, there are like hundred numbers but not even a single number you can really pour out the story to. Even the closest family member is just in the next room is not the person that you can really hold on and trust. and all you can think of is the person who hurts you and at that moment you think that they are the right person right now. p/s: no, you are wrong

I'm feeling it right now. and it sucks. I just finish cooking a big pot of mac and cheese for myself. it's kind a dry but wth. I need something to stuff in my mouth right now.

don't ever do this. it's not good for your health and mind at all

Family Portrait

2011-09-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a while after the last family portrait me and my family had one. it's kind of 3 or 4 years back then. Mum like this raya ritual where we all must go to this old photo shop to take our picture on our first day of raya together. Then she will hung the picture on the wall. At our old house, there this one section of wall lays our family portrait form when i was a little baby until i'm in form 3 i guess. i don't remember. but i know we stop taking this family portrait at some point. This year, mum want to take a new family portrait and hang it on the wall at our new house :) awesome. my first family portrait wearing selendang and me being much older and more mature. HAHA. i think so :)

ni tangkap sendiri. tak awesome. jap lagi nak amik gamba kat kedai :)

Have fun on you 4th day of Syawal

Cuti 1 hari

2011-08-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Sejerusnya azan magrib, saya berbuka puasa. Lepas solat magrib, tappppppppp PMS -.-"

Now, my stomach feel like crazy, and my mood to celebrate Eid are just not there for a while. pfft.

Tapi Alhamdullilah, cuti 1 hari je. kene masa awal-awal Ramadhan :')

i need rest. Selamat Hari Raya Semua :)

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Dan Batin dan Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan

2011-08-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

Fun is it to actually celebrate Eid and Independent day at the same time :)

tahun ni raya kat Melaka dulu and yup, i'm already here at grandma's house. Semalam buka puasa dalam kereta masa perjalanan nak balik kampung, sampai kampung je hujan lebat. Rahmat Allah. Tapi ia juga dapat menggambarkan kesedihan yang dirasai umat islam untuk meninggalkan Ramahan pada tahun ni. Alhamdullilah, semua orang yang fatin sayang masih ada disisi fatin nak sambut raya. Sedih bila mengenangkan ada kawan-kawan fatin yang kehilangan ibu ayah ataupun ahli keluarga yang terdekat pada tahun ni. Allah lebih sayangkan mereka, mereka berada ditempat jauh lebih baik. insyaALLAH :')

Ramadhan tahun ni lebih awesme dari ramadhan sebelum ni. Sebab alhamdullilah, puasa ponteng sehari je. on the first day of puasa. Tarawih pown 90% penuh :') sebelum ni susah nak dapat tarawih penuh sebab banyak halangan # salah sendiri -.-", even tough last month my little brother met an accident, alhamdullilah his okay. tak apa lah kereta teruk, tapi nyawa tak ada yang hilang kan :') owhh owhhh, dan tahun ni saya dah pandai nganyam ketupat. AWESOME. masak je x reti ag -.-" pfft. #tak boleh kawen lah. tahun ni jugak saya beraya sebagai seorang gadis yang single.buat tahun kedua. HAHAHAHAHA. #tak ada kene mengena okay. proceedddddddd. Ada certain orang mod raya tak ada, sebab naik cuti je exam. And me, this year eid, nak sampaikan target jumlah duit raya macam masa sekolah dulu-dulu dapat memang tak ada harapan lah. cuti dah nak habis kot :'( Tapi tak apa, there are something way better waiting for me back in the new semester. :'D

EXCITED GILA TAU TAK :D

DEDICATED TO ALL MUSLIMIN AND MUSLIMAT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD :)

maaf zahir batin and merdeka!